We all have one. You know that one relative that shows up at every family reunion or party wasted and doing the back stroke in the punch bowl? An inevitable embarrassment to the sane and politically correct, docker wearing, hybrid SUV driving epitome of normalcy rest of the family - this person makes everyone else feel so superior and together. For the most part, I'm guessing they are correct.
When the embarrassing family member is the uncle of the most powerful man on the planet, it is even worse. Reason being a typical DUI picked up by uncle Fester is no big deal unless the family lives in rural America, in which case everybody knows everybody and the case would probably be headline, front page news.
In the case of Obama's uncle, this cat played his one fucking card all wrong.
The story goes Obama's Uncle Onyango was shit faced and driving recklessly in front of a local police official - allegedly forcing the cop and one other motorist to slam on their brakes. This predicates Uncle O to get pulled over and play the "I don't speak english very well" game. He spoke over the officer while a field sobriety test was being administered, tried to outthink and outwit the cop - and the dude is here in this country illegally (allegedly).
Uncle O shares the Obama name and the cop, who must not be all that bright either, didn't even bother to ask this cat about the possibility of a familial tie. I know, it shouldn't matter but I fucking guarantee you it will.
After failing no less than three sobriety tests Uncle O was taken into custody and jailed. Now anybody with half a brain in their head knows once you are inside that cell it takes work and more importantly, CASH to get out. Dude was given an alcohol breath test where he blew a .14. Well done dude! Not bad for a guy who initially told the cops he hadn't had anything to drink - then admitted to one beer - then admitted to two. He obviously had more than two because numbers don't lie.
However, this cat had all the chances in the world to get any of several government agencies involved in his fuckup long before he even blew into that magic machine, and didn't. It wasn't until he was booked and offered his phone call before he let loose with, "I need to call the White House".
Really? That's when you play that card? This guy is probably not the sharpest tool in the shed but if your nephew is the President, I play that shit right off the bat and get the feds involved immediately before officer Ready gets his accolades for busting another third world shitbag who happens to have familial ties to the first family.
If uncle O had done it right I'm thinking the "men in black" would have come to save his sorry ass in their convoy of black SUV's that seemingly come out of nowhere. They would have used their little memory erasers on the locals who wouldn't know the difference between an ink pen and a shovel and nobody would have been the wiser.
Now Uncle O is going to probably get a cabinet appointment as Secretary of Shitheads, and the rest of us will have to suffer looking at this ugly cat for the next 18 months while his nephew continues fucking up the world.
Nice going Uncle O - you just made your nephew look smart!
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