There is no doubt most of us have had to deal with fucked up people before. Not the multiple personality, Sybil kind of fucked up - the drunk person who drank themselves retarded, and then turned left and headed straight to unconsciousness. That passed out state where the spins fail to make you sick.
Most of you have probably been that person at one point or another.
We all know that one guy who, once wasted, becomes Mr. Unpredictable. I know a guy in Vegas who is the nicest, sweetest most big hearted dude you could know - until he gets drunk. This dude who I will call Nick has a destination between wasted and passed out - Blackout.
Nick has lost his car before. He has been woken up by sprinklers in the early morning. He has been thrown in jail and when he called his buddy to get him out, he had no idea why he was there.
Nick's friends have physically lost him before - literally. As in where the fuck did this dude go? His car is in the parking lot, he isn't home. Maybe he took off with some girl? Nope. Nick, for some unknown reason began to meander toward where he used to live and passed out on the sidewalk. His friends found him face down on their way home (lucky for Nick they all live relatively close together).
We had a similar experience this last weekend in Vegas.
Our buddy Aaron was with us at the bar, and had hooked up with one of his buddies who he grew up with in Lancaster, California. His friend had moved to Vegas and thanks to Facebook, everybody knew we were in town.
Toward the end of the night Aaron had told a friend of mine he was going to go drink more, which he couldn't possibly do, at another bar with his friend. Then, he was gone. No bye, see ya, fuck you - nothing.
When we got home a half hour or so later, Aaron's friend's car was in front of Steph's house. There is no parking on the street overnight in Steph's neighborhood - so the car stuck out.
We went into the house and found Aaron's buddy ready to leave. When asked where Aaron was he just shrugged and said he walked out the front door a while ago.
I had to ask why - and was told my daughter and her friend who had come into town to see us were awoken by Aaron and his buddy when they showed up at the house (Aaron was beyond wasted).
Anybody who knows Aaron knows he is a huge Dodger fan. Aaron had a Dodger t-shirt on this night and my daughter, along with her friend talked so much shit to Aaron about the Dodgers, even though neither one of them follow baseball, that Aaron left.
Aaron came over to Vegas with me, in my car so he couldn't drive anywhere. His buddy was still at the house, so wherever Aaron went he walked.
My wife Candi knew how to locate Aaron. She knew he was wasted and passed out somewhere. Candi also knows that Aaron snores like a freight train - especially when he is wasted.
So while Steph and I are flipping out throwing our shoes on and grabbing our phones, Candi goes outside the courtyard of Steph's house and walks out to the sidewalk - and listens. Listens for the unmistakeable sound of Aaron snoring.
It takes her all of 3 seconds to hear him, and hone in on him passed out at the top of the driveway next door. Aaron is cuddled up against a Michelin tire on an SUV - and half of his body is underneath the front bumper.
Candi told me to get my camera and get some video, as Aaron was semi conscious but didn't want to move. I got my camera, and then the keys to the SUV to turn on the headlights so I could record the experience.
Out of respect for Aaron I will not post the video. I will say that Aaron may be the funniest hammered guy ever, in the history of guys getting hammered. It took me 45 minutes to get him to agree to go into the house, the entire time he is laying on the concrete.
I figured, because Aaron is a big man that Steph would have to help me get him inside. I was so wrong. Once dude decided to get up, he let go of that tire and got up and walked like he was totally sober.
Let this be a lesson to those of you who find yourselves in the position of seeking out a lost guy who is shit faced. Listen for the sound of drunk snoring!
No comments:
Post a Comment