That is what the LAPD and Orange County PD said when asked if they were inclined to modify their "official" police line-up protocol. A new study has just been released showing when cops who a) know which photo is the potentially guilty party and b) the photographs are all shown at the same time the false identification rate goes up exponentially.
The ideal scenario is to use a computer, and to show witnesses possible perpetrators one at a time so they can compare the photos to what is inside of their head, or memory instead of the other pictures of benign suspects. This method, also known as the "double blind" method - is used routinely in the scientific and pharmaceutical worlds. Why? Because it fucking works.
This study on improper criminal identifications has been conducted over 35 years, and has taken a back seat to genetic evidence, until recently. Troy Davis was executed yesterday and how ironic is it that this high profile case was on and off again several times, had governmental officials involved along with some high profile civilians? if I remember correctly 2 million people signed a petition to have the execution stayed until sufficient police work was done - which is essentially a life sentence.
In the Davis case, there was no physical or DNA evidence linking him to the death of an off duty cop who was shot in the late 80s.
I'm not contending that this guy was not guilty - I don't know that much about his case. I do know if it was up to me there is no fucking way I could have pushed that syringe. Dudes like Timothy Mcveigh I have no issue with eliminating from the gene puddle. Difference is TM admitted his crime, which as horrific as it was came off as original and effective as any attack on American soil, until Bin Laden had his epiphany. Look where he ended up - and he fucking deserved it on general principal alone.
The death penalty is a controversial issue, and there is no rational reason to continue a piss poor process that potentially leads to the afterlife without having state of the art technology to use (not manipulate) at the disposal of the authorities. That said, I like cops about as much as I like getting poison oak on my cock. However, they are a necessary evil that allegedly maintains order and hands out speeding tickets.
To kill a man due to conjecture, hearsay and general bullshit is a fucking travesty of injustice. I will say the dude took it like a man and didn't cry and make a bunch of fucking noise. He quietly maintained his innocence and let the system fuck him. Nice job system!
This brings me to the LAPD and the cocksuckers down south in the OC - you can't have it both ways dummies. You cannot convict someone using technology such as genetic testing and at the same time deny a new protocol that will help you eliminate your fuckups. Perhaps your department doesn't want to fix the fuckups, but you work for us, the taxpayers - we are the board of directors and if there is a new method of keeping your idiocy out of the legal equation I'm all for it. Now, all we need to do is gather a quorum and take a vote.
I'm not sure what the problem is or where the resistance is coming from as it pertains to this issue, but when I see your cruisers running around with duct tape holding the bumper on I'm guessing that doesn't breed confidence in your capabilities or your intellect - or your integrity.
Consider changing your slogan from "to protect and serve" to "we may just ass fuck you". It would definitely be more accurate and believable.
Look, nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes. But those mistakes are as serious as the consequences they cause. Feel free to quit fucking up, profiling and writing people up at the end of every month. We all know you have quotas to fill, but, if you did your fucking jobs every day instead of cramming 30 days worth of tickets into speed traps 4 days at the end of every month we would all be better off.
By the way, those little mountie helmets your MC cops wear look stupid as hell. Just thought you should know. Have a nice day!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Mensa Hikers Club
The two remaining "incarcerated" hikers from the US have been released from an Iranian prison - alleged to have been spying on Iran for the United States. These cats have been locked up for two years for again "accidentally" stepping over the Iranian border while recreationally hiking. What, their car couldn't make it to Colorado?
There was a third person captured with them, a woman, who was released some time ago. This whole fucking incident is bullshit - three letters will define this scenario: GPS.
First off, if these dudes weren't CIA or some other government acronym, and they just pulled a monumental fucking stupid, then they don't belong on a guided bus tour of Yellowstone.
They were tried and sentenced to 8 years in prison. The Iranian president who has a name I don't care to spell (ajad) is here in the US right now. Coincidence? I don't fucking think so. Ajad knew there was a grassy knoll with his name on it if he kept fucking with Hillary and the State Department. Obama cannot be bothered with this sort of shit.
I can hear the ultra conservatives from here - the US doesn't assassinate world leaders, you know people of influence? Riiiiiiight. That Bin Laden thing was a fucking plot to bolster the economy, or whatever. Ajad knew his days were numbered if he left his sandbox with these stupid assholes locked up, so dude put a price on their heads - $500K each. Let's see, 00000 carry the one - a million dollars "bail" after a sentence has been rendered? That's not bail, it's called a R-A-N-S-O-M because as sure as I'm fucking sitting here these cats will never show back up to court in Iran. Nope, these two are destined to be banished to Assfuck, Ohio - population 3 after they arrive. They are an embarrassment to all of us.
However, these are not smart men so anything is possible but I'm going to go ahead and say they won't be leaving the country anytime soon. If their job was to "spy" on the Iranians and gather intelligence, they suck at it. If they are just stupid hikers, that is like being a pedophile in general population - they aren't long for this world. It's not like they cut off an arm with a pocketknife.....
The "bail" was posted by an anonymous source. Really? Another one of them 3 letter government organizations had to write a check. Get ready for stamps to get more expensive.
The worst part of this scenario is there will inevitably be the talk shows, Larry King and (I cringe to say this) the view. Whoopi Goldberg may very well be the ugliest black thing on television, and the blonde wimpy chick cries all the time. I've seen her husband on ESPN - she gets a pass on that.
Then the made for TV movie, and ultimately the book complete with a tour. Yeah, I want to read about how stupid these fuckers were and have them sign it for me - I want to get captured by a Sleestak too.
If shit goes really well the Oprah channel will send some other stupid fucks, albeit with cameras, over to some other shit hole third world cat box and a new reality show is born. If all goes well perhaps they will issue a coin - how fucked up is that?
Suppose these two were in the mob? They would be asked to do the honorable thing and commit suicide - in a bathtub - by slitting their wrists - lengthwise. Do we need to bring your older brothers to the congressional hearings?
If the US wants to spy on Iran, keep postage prices where they are and use satellites, drones and those with triple digit IQ's like every other world superpower does. Why punish the entire country for the indiscretions of two directionally challenged morons? Oh yeah, Whoopi Goldberg, feel free to fuck right off.
There was a third person captured with them, a woman, who was released some time ago. This whole fucking incident is bullshit - three letters will define this scenario: GPS.
First off, if these dudes weren't CIA or some other government acronym, and they just pulled a monumental fucking stupid, then they don't belong on a guided bus tour of Yellowstone.
They were tried and sentenced to 8 years in prison. The Iranian president who has a name I don't care to spell (ajad) is here in the US right now. Coincidence? I don't fucking think so. Ajad knew there was a grassy knoll with his name on it if he kept fucking with Hillary and the State Department. Obama cannot be bothered with this sort of shit.
I can hear the ultra conservatives from here - the US doesn't assassinate world leaders, you know people of influence? Riiiiiiight. That Bin Laden thing was a fucking plot to bolster the economy, or whatever. Ajad knew his days were numbered if he left his sandbox with these stupid assholes locked up, so dude put a price on their heads - $500K each. Let's see, 00000 carry the one - a million dollars "bail" after a sentence has been rendered? That's not bail, it's called a R-A-N-S-O-M because as sure as I'm fucking sitting here these cats will never show back up to court in Iran. Nope, these two are destined to be banished to Assfuck, Ohio - population 3 after they arrive. They are an embarrassment to all of us.
However, these are not smart men so anything is possible but I'm going to go ahead and say they won't be leaving the country anytime soon. If their job was to "spy" on the Iranians and gather intelligence, they suck at it. If they are just stupid hikers, that is like being a pedophile in general population - they aren't long for this world. It's not like they cut off an arm with a pocketknife.....
The "bail" was posted by an anonymous source. Really? Another one of them 3 letter government organizations had to write a check. Get ready for stamps to get more expensive.
The worst part of this scenario is there will inevitably be the talk shows, Larry King and (I cringe to say this) the view. Whoopi Goldberg may very well be the ugliest black thing on television, and the blonde wimpy chick cries all the time. I've seen her husband on ESPN - she gets a pass on that.
Then the made for TV movie, and ultimately the book complete with a tour. Yeah, I want to read about how stupid these fuckers were and have them sign it for me - I want to get captured by a Sleestak too.
If shit goes really well the Oprah channel will send some other stupid fucks, albeit with cameras, over to some other shit hole third world cat box and a new reality show is born. If all goes well perhaps they will issue a coin - how fucked up is that?
Suppose these two were in the mob? They would be asked to do the honorable thing and commit suicide - in a bathtub - by slitting their wrists - lengthwise. Do we need to bring your older brothers to the congressional hearings?
If the US wants to spy on Iran, keep postage prices where they are and use satellites, drones and those with triple digit IQ's like every other world superpower does. Why punish the entire country for the indiscretions of two directionally challenged morons? Oh yeah, Whoopi Goldberg, feel free to fuck right off.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Nanna Scanners
Here in southern California, we have the unique privilege of grocery shopping at some of the most expensive food markets in the country. I'm not talking about specialty stores catering to the rich and infamous, or cultural markets where you can purchase an entire pig on any day of the year. Nope, the businesses I refer to are probably the same as the stores you all shop in - with one exception. Ok, maybe two.
Here in lovely socal, we get to pay 10% sales tax, which might be different for food but I'm too lazy to check. I know it is fucking spendy to shop here, especially at the big name stores like Albertsons, Vons (Safeway), Stater Bros., and a shit hole called Ralph's. All of them are equally fucked up, and expensive. I'm talking 5 bucks a gallon for non organic milk expensive.
Part of the joy of living in the nations second largest metropolis, aside from the traffic and smog, I mean marine layer is going to the store - and waiting in the endless lines while I watch the manager watch me and the other 312 people trying to get the fuck out of there.
Then, out of nowhere there always appears some little short dude from a hidden door somewhere in the front end of the store who climbs up on a chair to whisper something into the manager's ear. It's like the midget Jedi Mind trick because the manager shakes his head without blinking and magically another lane opens up. Some geriatric lady who blew Bob Hope back in the day shows up limping while trying to keep her teeth in place - smiling that granny grin while she spreads that old lady "red" lipstick all over her partials.
Inevitably, the first words out of her gullet are "can I help you" - and 24 carts race to get to her line first. Not me though, I know better. There is a reason this old lady bakes cookies and gives samples away. Watching her scan groceries is in itself a lesson in futility - and she convinces me that backwards time travel is possible because if she moved any slower shit would fucking stop.
Nice job midget boy, manager tool and senior citizen. You intentions were great but your execution sucks - and when I'm shopping effort means dick. So I am left with the choice of waiting the interminable, purgatorial wait for any one of the two speedy checkers or going through self checkout. Yup, you heard me, self check out. It does have a few advantages:
I never fuck up, ever. When checking my own groceries I don't lose, misplace or end up with assholes contact lens solution. Nope, I get it all right - and fast. The only issue is produce, and with over half of our groceries being produce it becomes a fucking nightmare to scan any and all fresh fruits and veggies.
Corporate food companies must have commissioned some asshole company and a fuckwad software developer who got a copy of "Statistics for Dummies" thus becoming the self proclaimed resident expert of all that is food and shit ticket check out lines - and decided in his video game wisdom how to waste as much as my time as humanly fucking possible.
So when the grocery store workers union threatened to go on strike recently, I was elated. Their position (to be fair) was that they are skilled labor, who make 18 bucks an hour and have better healthcare plans than the fucking government. I heard on the radio that their insurance covers full hospitalization, $25 copay for Dr. visits and $5 prescriptions. The full timers, once fully vested receive 85% of their salary for life upon retirement - and they bitch. Hmmm.
Skilled labor huh? The dumbass with the video game education fucked it up for them, because if skilled labor is knowing how to "scan" a barcode across a scanner then I should be a fucking brain surgeon. Skilled labor? Really?
How many times have you been through the line at the store, brought your food home only to have the single bagged milk or juice sack break leaving you with a fucking mess to clean up and another trip to no mans land because the dude making 18 bucks an hour was too fucking lazy to wrap that fucker up a second time?
So go ahead there grocery boy and threaten me with a good time some more. We for the most part shop at the "non-union" food joints like Smart and Final or Fresh and Easy - and on occasion Trader Joe's. Self checkout at these places is seamless because they got the smart kid who suggested prepackaging all fresh produce and putting bar codes on them. It might cost a little more but it relieves me of having to suffer through the extreme couponers, old slow folks who haven't had real teeth since black and white TV was the shit, and the cockeyed bagger who puts my apples and oven cleaner in the same fucking bag.
Skilled labor? Really?
Here in lovely socal, we get to pay 10% sales tax, which might be different for food but I'm too lazy to check. I know it is fucking spendy to shop here, especially at the big name stores like Albertsons, Vons (Safeway), Stater Bros., and a shit hole called Ralph's. All of them are equally fucked up, and expensive. I'm talking 5 bucks a gallon for non organic milk expensive.
Part of the joy of living in the nations second largest metropolis, aside from the traffic and smog, I mean marine layer is going to the store - and waiting in the endless lines while I watch the manager watch me and the other 312 people trying to get the fuck out of there.
Then, out of nowhere there always appears some little short dude from a hidden door somewhere in the front end of the store who climbs up on a chair to whisper something into the manager's ear. It's like the midget Jedi Mind trick because the manager shakes his head without blinking and magically another lane opens up. Some geriatric lady who blew Bob Hope back in the day shows up limping while trying to keep her teeth in place - smiling that granny grin while she spreads that old lady "red" lipstick all over her partials.
Inevitably, the first words out of her gullet are "can I help you" - and 24 carts race to get to her line first. Not me though, I know better. There is a reason this old lady bakes cookies and gives samples away. Watching her scan groceries is in itself a lesson in futility - and she convinces me that backwards time travel is possible because if she moved any slower shit would fucking stop.
Nice job midget boy, manager tool and senior citizen. You intentions were great but your execution sucks - and when I'm shopping effort means dick. So I am left with the choice of waiting the interminable, purgatorial wait for any one of the two speedy checkers or going through self checkout. Yup, you heard me, self check out. It does have a few advantages:
I never fuck up, ever. When checking my own groceries I don't lose, misplace or end up with assholes contact lens solution. Nope, I get it all right - and fast. The only issue is produce, and with over half of our groceries being produce it becomes a fucking nightmare to scan any and all fresh fruits and veggies.
Corporate food companies must have commissioned some asshole company and a fuckwad software developer who got a copy of "Statistics for Dummies" thus becoming the self proclaimed resident expert of all that is food and shit ticket check out lines - and decided in his video game wisdom how to waste as much as my time as humanly fucking possible.
So when the grocery store workers union threatened to go on strike recently, I was elated. Their position (to be fair) was that they are skilled labor, who make 18 bucks an hour and have better healthcare plans than the fucking government. I heard on the radio that their insurance covers full hospitalization, $25 copay for Dr. visits and $5 prescriptions. The full timers, once fully vested receive 85% of their salary for life upon retirement - and they bitch. Hmmm.
Skilled labor huh? The dumbass with the video game education fucked it up for them, because if skilled labor is knowing how to "scan" a barcode across a scanner then I should be a fucking brain surgeon. Skilled labor? Really?
How many times have you been through the line at the store, brought your food home only to have the single bagged milk or juice sack break leaving you with a fucking mess to clean up and another trip to no mans land because the dude making 18 bucks an hour was too fucking lazy to wrap that fucker up a second time?
So go ahead there grocery boy and threaten me with a good time some more. We for the most part shop at the "non-union" food joints like Smart and Final or Fresh and Easy - and on occasion Trader Joe's. Self checkout at these places is seamless because they got the smart kid who suggested prepackaging all fresh produce and putting bar codes on them. It might cost a little more but it relieves me of having to suffer through the extreme couponers, old slow folks who haven't had real teeth since black and white TV was the shit, and the cockeyed bagger who puts my apples and oven cleaner in the same fucking bag.
Skilled labor? Really?
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The Kardashian Way
Some of the feedback I have received from my readers as of late suggests that I pick a "positive" topic, or one that doesn't reflect the world going to shit - now or in the very near future. Well, I'm going to give it a shot. Here goes.
What the fuck are the Kardashian sisters famous for? Can anybody tell me what any of the three have done to be "famous" or reach celebrity status? Sure their daddy was one of OJ's attorneys, but he didn't get his own talk show, or launch legalzoom.com or do interviews from Buttfuck, Montana in tasseled leatherskin jackets giving legal opinions on shit he wasn't involved in. In fact the dude died.
Then, Ms. Kardashian married Bruce Jenner who won some olympic medals. Jenner WAS famous for about 6 minutes before he vanished into obscurity - albeit he has "G" list status for life. Momma Kardashian birthed 3 pretty girls, but several women have done that. Shit, visit Utah and you will find a woman who can double or possibly quadruple that many live births of future hotties. So mom didn't do a fucking thing to propel these girls from well to do rich kids to having a "reality" tv show.
That's another thing that pisses me off - writers get no credit for writing these stupid fucking shows - another subject, another day. Back to the matter at hand.
One of these bimbos married Lamar Odom of the Lakers. He is a half step above Luke "I wanna date the unmarried sister but I'm white and ugly" Walton and will be forgotten as soon as his last game is played - unless he beats up his famous wife. Nah, that shit never happens - whatever...
The eighties and nineties were cool, and are often cited on youtube comments because it took talent and work to become a celebrity. You had to have something to offer even if your voice sounds like nails on a fucking chalkboard. So far, as hard as I try, I cannot make that argument for any of these chicks.
I live in Burbank, near a jogging trail and you cannot throw a dead cat without hitting a hot woman - so what the fuck is so special about these sisters?
Reggie Bush is with me on this.
Now, in the world of "hey lets put a fucking family of morons on TV and call it a show" it appears our entertainment barometer is fucking busted. Of course there is the obligatory book that goes with all of this shit as well. It will probably be a best seller among those who are just beginning to bleed monthly and cross-dressers.
I can hear it now, "they are racially diverse", or "their actions bridge cultural gaps". What a crock of shit. I'm racially diverse, I wanna bridge cultural and socioeconomic gaps. How come I don't have my own TV show?
Actually, the Kardashian's as a TV show are a fucking embarrassment that cannot be undone. They have polluted you tube, twitter, facebook and every other media outlet because of titties and asses. I like titties and asses - well you get the point.
Let's just go ahead and name it, the condition of being famous for no legitimate reason - Hiltons disease. You guessed it, I named that after the godmother of being famous for no good reason, Paris. Have you seen her porno? She should be ashamed of her performance in that flick. No intensity, no motivation, not much of anything. She looked like a geriatric trying to ride a bicycle with arthritis and bad knees. Worst part is I can't get that 8 minutes back.
All I can hope for is on my deathbed I will not look back as Hilton's lame attempt at sex being the single biggest waste of time EVER. I can only worry about that so long as I never see the Kardashian's show.
What the fuck are the Kardashian sisters famous for? Can anybody tell me what any of the three have done to be "famous" or reach celebrity status? Sure their daddy was one of OJ's attorneys, but he didn't get his own talk show, or launch legalzoom.com or do interviews from Buttfuck, Montana in tasseled leatherskin jackets giving legal opinions on shit he wasn't involved in. In fact the dude died.
Then, Ms. Kardashian married Bruce Jenner who won some olympic medals. Jenner WAS famous for about 6 minutes before he vanished into obscurity - albeit he has "G" list status for life. Momma Kardashian birthed 3 pretty girls, but several women have done that. Shit, visit Utah and you will find a woman who can double or possibly quadruple that many live births of future hotties. So mom didn't do a fucking thing to propel these girls from well to do rich kids to having a "reality" tv show.
That's another thing that pisses me off - writers get no credit for writing these stupid fucking shows - another subject, another day. Back to the matter at hand.
One of these bimbos married Lamar Odom of the Lakers. He is a half step above Luke "I wanna date the unmarried sister but I'm white and ugly" Walton and will be forgotten as soon as his last game is played - unless he beats up his famous wife. Nah, that shit never happens - whatever...
The eighties and nineties were cool, and are often cited on youtube comments because it took talent and work to become a celebrity. You had to have something to offer even if your voice sounds like nails on a fucking chalkboard. So far, as hard as I try, I cannot make that argument for any of these chicks.
I live in Burbank, near a jogging trail and you cannot throw a dead cat without hitting a hot woman - so what the fuck is so special about these sisters?
Reggie Bush is with me on this.
Now, in the world of "hey lets put a fucking family of morons on TV and call it a show" it appears our entertainment barometer is fucking busted. Of course there is the obligatory book that goes with all of this shit as well. It will probably be a best seller among those who are just beginning to bleed monthly and cross-dressers.
I can hear it now, "they are racially diverse", or "their actions bridge cultural gaps". What a crock of shit. I'm racially diverse, I wanna bridge cultural and socioeconomic gaps. How come I don't have my own TV show?
Actually, the Kardashian's as a TV show are a fucking embarrassment that cannot be undone. They have polluted you tube, twitter, facebook and every other media outlet because of titties and asses. I like titties and asses - well you get the point.
Let's just go ahead and name it, the condition of being famous for no legitimate reason - Hiltons disease. You guessed it, I named that after the godmother of being famous for no good reason, Paris. Have you seen her porno? She should be ashamed of her performance in that flick. No intensity, no motivation, not much of anything. She looked like a geriatric trying to ride a bicycle with arthritis and bad knees. Worst part is I can't get that 8 minutes back.
All I can hope for is on my deathbed I will not look back as Hilton's lame attempt at sex being the single biggest waste of time EVER. I can only worry about that so long as I never see the Kardashian's show.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Bad Sponge
I had to recently write an essay on SpongeBob SquarePants - needless to say I have never seen the show personally, so I interviewed my 15 year old niece. What a cultural phenomenon that is a complete fucking fraud. If you like SpongeBob, quit reading now because it doesn't get any nicer from here.
In doing my research, I found that this fucker is not the friendly, optimistic babysitter that he has been made out to be. Don't worry, I will back up my claims with factual information. But keep in mind this bitch is a fraud - straight up.
As those of you who are familiar with the show, Bob is a kitchen sponge that lives in a myopic world under the sea. He was developed by a marine biologist as a vehicle (allegedly) to teach kids under 11 the workings of life under the ocean. I suppose brilliance and stupidity intersect occasionally.
Series creator Steve Hindenburg has created a cultural icon that is loved by all demographics, all over the world. Talk about failing upward! There are several issues with Bob's world that are in direct contrast with the real world.
Bob's job is a fry cook for Krabbie Patties, of which the ingredients are unknown. Even when asked Hindenburg alluded to the fact that the patties may be vegetarian - riiiiiigggghhhhhhht and my dog has wings growing out of his ass. Vegetarian under the sea? Come on dude, you made a gazillion dollars off this fucker and that is the best you could come up with?
If the patties are truly made from crab meat, then some of the customers are cannibalistic - try explaining that one to young kids and some older brother will go all Hannibal Lector on his younger sibling. If dude says they are vegetarian, then not only is he full of shit but he is again creating a world that is not possible, or feasible.
There was a question of Bob's sexuality back in 2005 - as in Bob and his best buddy Patrick (starfish) knocking boots. Again creator Hindenburg pulled a stupid and said "we never intended for Bob to be gay, I look at him as more asexual". Asexual? The only way Patrick could fuck himself (literally) is to break himself in half. Sort of like a liver transplant - both halves live. I wonder which would be Pat and which would be Rick? But I digress, and the idea of Bob and Patrick nailing each other offscreen is not only physically impossible, it's stupid. A marine biologist should know this. I'm sure dude has fucking GOOGLE.
The worst part of the show is a report that was emailed to me today from a buddy of mine that stated 4 year old, white, rich kids developed ADD or ADHD after just 9 minutes of watching SpongeBob. These kids were also doomed to be fat kids because compared to their peer control group, they ate their snack several minutes before the kids that didn't watch the show.
Shitty part is Hindenburg lives in my zip code.........
In doing my research, I found that this fucker is not the friendly, optimistic babysitter that he has been made out to be. Don't worry, I will back up my claims with factual information. But keep in mind this bitch is a fraud - straight up.
As those of you who are familiar with the show, Bob is a kitchen sponge that lives in a myopic world under the sea. He was developed by a marine biologist as a vehicle (allegedly) to teach kids under 11 the workings of life under the ocean. I suppose brilliance and stupidity intersect occasionally.
Series creator Steve Hindenburg has created a cultural icon that is loved by all demographics, all over the world. Talk about failing upward! There are several issues with Bob's world that are in direct contrast with the real world.
Bob's job is a fry cook for Krabbie Patties, of which the ingredients are unknown. Even when asked Hindenburg alluded to the fact that the patties may be vegetarian - riiiiiigggghhhhhhht and my dog has wings growing out of his ass. Vegetarian under the sea? Come on dude, you made a gazillion dollars off this fucker and that is the best you could come up with?
If the patties are truly made from crab meat, then some of the customers are cannibalistic - try explaining that one to young kids and some older brother will go all Hannibal Lector on his younger sibling. If dude says they are vegetarian, then not only is he full of shit but he is again creating a world that is not possible, or feasible.
There was a question of Bob's sexuality back in 2005 - as in Bob and his best buddy Patrick (starfish) knocking boots. Again creator Hindenburg pulled a stupid and said "we never intended for Bob to be gay, I look at him as more asexual". Asexual? The only way Patrick could fuck himself (literally) is to break himself in half. Sort of like a liver transplant - both halves live. I wonder which would be Pat and which would be Rick? But I digress, and the idea of Bob and Patrick nailing each other offscreen is not only physically impossible, it's stupid. A marine biologist should know this. I'm sure dude has fucking GOOGLE.
The worst part of the show is a report that was emailed to me today from a buddy of mine that stated 4 year old, white, rich kids developed ADD or ADHD after just 9 minutes of watching SpongeBob. These kids were also doomed to be fat kids because compared to their peer control group, they ate their snack several minutes before the kids that didn't watch the show.
Shitty part is Hindenburg lives in my zip code.........
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Fucking Zero's
I received a text message from my little brother in Dallas - telling me how much he enjoys my blogs. It's a strange feeling to put out a shit load of rhetoric online, and not know who is reading it. I am grateful to all of the regular readers, especially when there are so many options for entertainment on the tube, online and outside your front door. I am truly blessed to have the life I do. This topic was suggested by my brother (Chase) who is one of the best songwriters / lyricists I have ever heard. If you are in Dallas go see his band (Chalk Lign) or better yet his acoustic show - it's fucking awesome. This is your topic Chase, love you!
Now that's out of the way, today's topic is the fucked up welfare system in this country. On the 10 year anniversary of 9/11, it appears to me the federal government has done very little to motivate anyone who is on public assistance.
Is that really their fucking job? To motivate the lazy out of their stupor and put them at drive through windows across the country? I still can't get a Wendy's hamburger without cheese, although living in Southern California makes it tough to order anything in a drive up window without speaking a foreign language.
You liberals, settle the fuck down. I'm not beating up on ANY ethnic group. I'm stating facts, and those of you who live somewhere besides SoCal believe me when I say it's a pain in the ass. Starbucks got smart and decided to almost eliminate the drive through window completely. Maybe it's because real estate is so expensive - I'm guessing it's more about a language barrier. After all, who wants to give someone a "hot" coffee and have them pissed off? That shit fucking burns if some asshole gets sideways and tosses it on you because dude didn't get his extra pump of sugar free vanilla.
The Welfare system in Obama's budget is set to spend about 10 trillion over the next 10 years. Dude won't be president in 10 years, so those numbers are meaningless. Which candidate from either side will come into office thinking that Obama did such a great fucking job, let's just go ahead and keep things as they are? Not fucking one.
But spending a trillion dollars on anything that has no return on the investment possibilities is fucking stupid. Let me repeat that, FUCKING STUPID!
I can hear the far left liberals already whining about the hungry children, the folks who can't get a job, those who are unwilling to accept less than what they made 10 years ago. Look dummies, you can't run as fast as you could 10 years ago (unless you are under 20) so you have to work smarter instead of harder. If that thought doesn't translate into your job search, your future isn't worth a bucket of piss.
There are approximately 40 million food stamp recipients costing the taxpayers approximately 2 grand a piece each year. Some of these people need the assistance, some trade their "benefits" for drugs and other personal habits. Now far be it from me to tell anybody what to spend their cash on, but if I'm paying for it eat hot dogs and peanut butter sandwiches.
The pending legislation that is being considered will cap the amount of benefits any one person can get. In Michigan, they are getting medieval with this bullshit program and putting a 4 year maximum in play. Why? So the lazy and unmotivated won't memorize every fucking episode of Law and Order. I'm sure Michael Moore (I like his films, but think his politics are fucking stupid) will get another feature documentary about his shitty little hometown of Flint.
The human race has survived because we adapt and go where the food is. Back in the tribal days, you didn't see villages put up in the middle of the desert where there was no water and eating a scorpion was a good day - nope. People went to places where they could survive. If you can't get a fucking job where you live, move. It's really a simple concept.
If you have children and can't afford them now, quit fucking and making more of them. They say a child is raised by a village and 1,000 years ago that may have been true. In todays world, Tv and the internet seem to be the babysitters of choice - so the village has become unnecessary and computers are paramount to a kids development.
Kids are not to blame, the stupid fuckers that made them are! I see single mom's at school and hear stories of how much sacrifice they make to get an education in order to answer a phone - their choice.
This country is the greatest in the world because it guarantees the "pursuit of happiness." That statement says nothing about paying for that pursuit. If life is kicking you in the balls over and over again, move your balls (that's metaphoric) and do something different.
For those of you on public assistance, get used to the idea of not getting it. Get a fucking job, and if there are no jobs then create one for yourself.
The rest of the world expects bad shit to happen, and deal with it accordingly for the most part. America is the only country in the civilized world where we are truly surprised when bad shit happens. Well, get fucking used to it - bad has been around almost as long as good and it isn't leaving anytime soon.
For the politicians who are making these decisions, quit worrying about getting re-elected and make tough choices. You want to see chaos in this country? Keep your bullshit up. Take a lesson from Trump or Chris Christie and say "fuck off" to those who feel entitled. This means you government employees, and especially you teachers. Your union is fucked up and if you are smart enough to teach the youth of this nation, then get off of your 9 month work year fat ass and pay for some of your own benefits - just like the rest of us have to do. You ain't special, trust me on this.
Unfortunately there is no easy fix for any of these social, political, human, or financial issues. The logical thing to do is to look at what works, and do that. What has been done over the last 5 or 6 years isn't working, can you hear that? Fucking fix it!
Happy NFL day, and never forget the events of 9/11.
Now that's out of the way, today's topic is the fucked up welfare system in this country. On the 10 year anniversary of 9/11, it appears to me the federal government has done very little to motivate anyone who is on public assistance.
Is that really their fucking job? To motivate the lazy out of their stupor and put them at drive through windows across the country? I still can't get a Wendy's hamburger without cheese, although living in Southern California makes it tough to order anything in a drive up window without speaking a foreign language.
You liberals, settle the fuck down. I'm not beating up on ANY ethnic group. I'm stating facts, and those of you who live somewhere besides SoCal believe me when I say it's a pain in the ass. Starbucks got smart and decided to almost eliminate the drive through window completely. Maybe it's because real estate is so expensive - I'm guessing it's more about a language barrier. After all, who wants to give someone a "hot" coffee and have them pissed off? That shit fucking burns if some asshole gets sideways and tosses it on you because dude didn't get his extra pump of sugar free vanilla.
The Welfare system in Obama's budget is set to spend about 10 trillion over the next 10 years. Dude won't be president in 10 years, so those numbers are meaningless. Which candidate from either side will come into office thinking that Obama did such a great fucking job, let's just go ahead and keep things as they are? Not fucking one.
But spending a trillion dollars on anything that has no return on the investment possibilities is fucking stupid. Let me repeat that, FUCKING STUPID!
I can hear the far left liberals already whining about the hungry children, the folks who can't get a job, those who are unwilling to accept less than what they made 10 years ago. Look dummies, you can't run as fast as you could 10 years ago (unless you are under 20) so you have to work smarter instead of harder. If that thought doesn't translate into your job search, your future isn't worth a bucket of piss.
There are approximately 40 million food stamp recipients costing the taxpayers approximately 2 grand a piece each year. Some of these people need the assistance, some trade their "benefits" for drugs and other personal habits. Now far be it from me to tell anybody what to spend their cash on, but if I'm paying for it eat hot dogs and peanut butter sandwiches.
The pending legislation that is being considered will cap the amount of benefits any one person can get. In Michigan, they are getting medieval with this bullshit program and putting a 4 year maximum in play. Why? So the lazy and unmotivated won't memorize every fucking episode of Law and Order. I'm sure Michael Moore (I like his films, but think his politics are fucking stupid) will get another feature documentary about his shitty little hometown of Flint.
The human race has survived because we adapt and go where the food is. Back in the tribal days, you didn't see villages put up in the middle of the desert where there was no water and eating a scorpion was a good day - nope. People went to places where they could survive. If you can't get a fucking job where you live, move. It's really a simple concept.
If you have children and can't afford them now, quit fucking and making more of them. They say a child is raised by a village and 1,000 years ago that may have been true. In todays world, Tv and the internet seem to be the babysitters of choice - so the village has become unnecessary and computers are paramount to a kids development.
Kids are not to blame, the stupid fuckers that made them are! I see single mom's at school and hear stories of how much sacrifice they make to get an education in order to answer a phone - their choice.
This country is the greatest in the world because it guarantees the "pursuit of happiness." That statement says nothing about paying for that pursuit. If life is kicking you in the balls over and over again, move your balls (that's metaphoric) and do something different.
For those of you on public assistance, get used to the idea of not getting it. Get a fucking job, and if there are no jobs then create one for yourself.
The rest of the world expects bad shit to happen, and deal with it accordingly for the most part. America is the only country in the civilized world where we are truly surprised when bad shit happens. Well, get fucking used to it - bad has been around almost as long as good and it isn't leaving anytime soon.
For the politicians who are making these decisions, quit worrying about getting re-elected and make tough choices. You want to see chaos in this country? Keep your bullshit up. Take a lesson from Trump or Chris Christie and say "fuck off" to those who feel entitled. This means you government employees, and especially you teachers. Your union is fucked up and if you are smart enough to teach the youth of this nation, then get off of your 9 month work year fat ass and pay for some of your own benefits - just like the rest of us have to do. You ain't special, trust me on this.
Unfortunately there is no easy fix for any of these social, political, human, or financial issues. The logical thing to do is to look at what works, and do that. What has been done over the last 5 or 6 years isn't working, can you hear that? Fucking fix it!
Happy NFL day, and never forget the events of 9/11.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Brown Out?
Sounds like the emptying of a Mexican septic tank - and how ironic it is actually happening in Mexico as well as the US. Orange County, Arizona and yes, that little shit hole to the south of us - Mexico are all experiencing these irritating fucking times of not having power. But why fucking report it? The poor bastards sweating their asses off certainly can't see the news unless they have a generator hooked up to the old Direct TV, and it's not a given that those cats have even paid their satellite bill anyway.
What used to happen in the old days when men were men and women, well men were men? It got hot in Arizona and southern California. Did all the pets die then because of the heat? Did old people drop like buckets of shit due to an infusion of sweat? It all seems so trivial to me.
This is the lead story here in LA - probably because our air conditioners are WORKING. There are the inevitable minority women reporters on TV telling viewers to have over half a tank of fuel in your car - you know just in case. In case of what? If I need to cool down I will head to the beach and that big body of water. What's it called again? Oh yeah, the ocean.
How would you get there if there were no power? Last I checked the heel toe express ran on grub, not gasoline. You can't swing a dead cat in LA without hitting a fucking stolen bicycle chained harmlessly to a park bench - so borrow it. If the human spirit is strong enough, and the brain doesn't fuck it up with the laziness gene, then all will be fine.
This power outtage happens every year when it gets got down here and yet people are still worried about it. I can't wait for the fires to come and then the rains will wash away the homes some morons just rebuilt on the side of a fucking hill - all while crying to camera crews that they have just lost everything.
That statement alone shows how stupid these people really are. They didn't lose anything, their address just changed to one street west. All of their stupid artwork and whatnot is still inside of the modernistic cement bearing walls they call a house. I heard one lady ask what she was going to feed her kids - really? Because her power went out she couldn't figure out the formula for PBand J - and I'm supposed to feel bad for these fuckers? Uh uh!
I am proposing a new reality show. It's called America has dummies. Ozzy can sit on the board of judges because, well, he is Ozzy. Adam Corolla and the hot chick from Californication could round out the group. The goal would be to find the dumbest "family" on the planet based on their stupid decisions and personal loss. You know, "grandma died because we couldn't open her Ensure without a can opener." Anybody ever heard of twist tops?
If all these other stupid fucking shows keep turning up and maintaining audiences (Billy the exterminator, Hoarders, infants in beauty pageants blah blah blah) - then my show has merit. And besides, where else but Hollywood can you get paid for being stupid.
My bad, I forgot about corporate America and their philosophy of promoting the fucking stupid ones, or failing upwards as I like to call it. You build a house below sea level, it will flood. You build a house on a volcano, it will burn. You build your house on the polar ice caps, Al Gore says they will melt. You live on the eastern seaboard, welcome to hurricane alley.
My point is this, there is no safe place on this planet. Accept it and quit televising the fucking morons who forgot this, and that life just isn't fair. Have a nice day!!!
What used to happen in the old days when men were men and women, well men were men? It got hot in Arizona and southern California. Did all the pets die then because of the heat? Did old people drop like buckets of shit due to an infusion of sweat? It all seems so trivial to me.
This is the lead story here in LA - probably because our air conditioners are WORKING. There are the inevitable minority women reporters on TV telling viewers to have over half a tank of fuel in your car - you know just in case. In case of what? If I need to cool down I will head to the beach and that big body of water. What's it called again? Oh yeah, the ocean.
How would you get there if there were no power? Last I checked the heel toe express ran on grub, not gasoline. You can't swing a dead cat in LA without hitting a fucking stolen bicycle chained harmlessly to a park bench - so borrow it. If the human spirit is strong enough, and the brain doesn't fuck it up with the laziness gene, then all will be fine.
This power outtage happens every year when it gets got down here and yet people are still worried about it. I can't wait for the fires to come and then the rains will wash away the homes some morons just rebuilt on the side of a fucking hill - all while crying to camera crews that they have just lost everything.
That statement alone shows how stupid these people really are. They didn't lose anything, their address just changed to one street west. All of their stupid artwork and whatnot is still inside of the modernistic cement bearing walls they call a house. I heard one lady ask what she was going to feed her kids - really? Because her power went out she couldn't figure out the formula for PBand J - and I'm supposed to feel bad for these fuckers? Uh uh!
I am proposing a new reality show. It's called America has dummies. Ozzy can sit on the board of judges because, well, he is Ozzy. Adam Corolla and the hot chick from Californication could round out the group. The goal would be to find the dumbest "family" on the planet based on their stupid decisions and personal loss. You know, "grandma died because we couldn't open her Ensure without a can opener." Anybody ever heard of twist tops?
If all these other stupid fucking shows keep turning up and maintaining audiences (Billy the exterminator, Hoarders, infants in beauty pageants blah blah blah) - then my show has merit. And besides, where else but Hollywood can you get paid for being stupid.
My bad, I forgot about corporate America and their philosophy of promoting the fucking stupid ones, or failing upwards as I like to call it. You build a house below sea level, it will flood. You build a house on a volcano, it will burn. You build your house on the polar ice caps, Al Gore says they will melt. You live on the eastern seaboard, welcome to hurricane alley.
My point is this, there is no safe place on this planet. Accept it and quit televising the fucking morons who forgot this, and that life just isn't fair. Have a nice day!!!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
The wrong side of Right
Nope, not a direction as that would be left. This here is more about being right in a situation - you know fundamentally correct? And paying a steep fucking price for it. Sound ambiguous? Check this out.
So my buddy has this wife who is a beautiful woman. She is smart and this dude scored so far over his head when he hooked up with her it was almost anatomically wrong. I mean one doesn't want to piss off the gods of hookups, right?
So the story goes my buddy was drinking a cocktail or two in the evening. Now the cat doesn't have a real job and his wife has supported him for the last 3 or 4 months. He would wait until his wife got home, but sometimes she had shit to do after work so he would begin at 6 or 6:30. After all, she would come home most nights and drink 3 or 4 beers. No big deal right?
WRONG!!!
The argument wasn't do as I do, it was do as I say. This cat doesn't do well with orders and ultimatums - in fact I've seen him blow up on women in his past when they tried to lay down the law. He is one of the only people I know who has the gift (or curse) of saying shit that brings people to tears. He can find a weakness and exploit the shit out of it, with everyone except his wife.
He is scared of her. Not like in a physical way, although she has a mean streak in her. No, more in the "I love you so much I don't want to lose you way."
But wait, isn't this a double standard over here? Fuck yes it is but that's not important. Isn't this a little unfair? Shit yes it is, but that doesn't fucking matter.
What matters is the woman is always right. Some of you hard ass fundamentalists will disagree when your wife isn't around, but we all know women run this big fucking rock. In fact I heard in class the other day that some chick wrote a thesis on how men could feasibly be eradicated from the planet so long as they jerked off in a cup just before death.
This is biologically not feasible because the genetic puddle would get so shallow the entire world would look like rural Alabama - no offense Alabama.
If you want to have longevity in your relationship with your wife or girlfriend, she has to be right. Most if not all of the time. Get used to it because if you don't you will be alone - and now you cannot say you haven't been told.
So my buddy has this wife who is a beautiful woman. She is smart and this dude scored so far over his head when he hooked up with her it was almost anatomically wrong. I mean one doesn't want to piss off the gods of hookups, right?
So the story goes my buddy was drinking a cocktail or two in the evening. Now the cat doesn't have a real job and his wife has supported him for the last 3 or 4 months. He would wait until his wife got home, but sometimes she had shit to do after work so he would begin at 6 or 6:30. After all, she would come home most nights and drink 3 or 4 beers. No big deal right?
WRONG!!!
The argument wasn't do as I do, it was do as I say. This cat doesn't do well with orders and ultimatums - in fact I've seen him blow up on women in his past when they tried to lay down the law. He is one of the only people I know who has the gift (or curse) of saying shit that brings people to tears. He can find a weakness and exploit the shit out of it, with everyone except his wife.
He is scared of her. Not like in a physical way, although she has a mean streak in her. No, more in the "I love you so much I don't want to lose you way."
But wait, isn't this a double standard over here? Fuck yes it is but that's not important. Isn't this a little unfair? Shit yes it is, but that doesn't fucking matter.
What matters is the woman is always right. Some of you hard ass fundamentalists will disagree when your wife isn't around, but we all know women run this big fucking rock. In fact I heard in class the other day that some chick wrote a thesis on how men could feasibly be eradicated from the planet so long as they jerked off in a cup just before death.
This is biologically not feasible because the genetic puddle would get so shallow the entire world would look like rural Alabama - no offense Alabama.
If you want to have longevity in your relationship with your wife or girlfriend, she has to be right. Most if not all of the time. Get used to it because if you don't you will be alone - and now you cannot say you haven't been told.
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