Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What I've learned in the past 48 hours

We have all been there. Married or divorced, together or apart, cheating or faithful. That pretty much sums it up for all except the asexual who have my sincere condolences. I'm so fucking sorry you are addicted to Star Wars, Star Trek, Comic Con or The Bridges of Madison County (the worst movie ever). George Lucas thanks you though for that new house in Bermuda he bought with the cash he got from you all not screwing. Fuck off Chewbaca.

Over the last few weeks I have been enlightened to a few things, fun tidbits of info which could and should be useful to any single dude regardless of which state you hail, or now reside. Don't mistake my intentions - my girl straight up got away. "Fuck off" I think it was. The hotness in my world has decided that the company of an emotional 8 year old doesn't suit her. I am what I am, and with that being said I drudged up some valuable knowledge which I would be remiss in not passing on to my single male friends out there in the big bad world.

1) Single chicks (God love them) under 30 are completely and totally BATSHIT crazy. This is of course a generality, so the one girl (if there is one) originally from Vegas and my favorite 42 year old from LA are exempt - as well as family members.

2) When all goes to shit, refer to rule #1.

3) Drink only expensive Vodka. The cheap shit kills more brain cells and not only gives you a headache but kicks you in the balls in the AM. Oh yeah, don't believe the psychobabble that nobody can smell the stuff. It's bullshit.

4) At the edge of the world, feel everything before you jump off into oblivion. You may feel nothing again.

AXL FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Muthafuckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Monday, April 23, 2012

Dear world, the future is a nihilistic bitch with shitty intentions and ideas to ruin ones future plans. Its kind of like a fucking weatherman, who subsequently gets paid to guess - loser. Perhaps we'd all be better off just waking up and flipping a coin - thus allowing chance or fate or kharma or whatever to decide how the day is going to go? Speeding ticket, meeting a friend, lover, loser or train wreck could be a heads or tails away. My preference as presumptuous as it may sound would be to say fuck off to the universe each and every morning, hence taking life head on. Either way one is not in the same fucking place as yesterday - and that my fellow reader is known and recogniZed in this century as fucking progress, or change. Whichever fits your narcicism best. Rock on.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Tundra part two

So, I apparently offended the locals without meaning to. Story of my fucking life. My condolences to the people there. I'm guessing it will take six months to get used to the rate shit moves in the badger state. Until then, numbers dont lie and the bottom line is king. I'm humbled and grateful for the opportunity to exercise my craft. I promise to stop taking pictures of wild turkeys and just run the fuckers over. More to come.......

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Ok. So I'm now in the Fucking tundra. No lady friend love of my life type shit but whats a white guy engineer to do? What's strange about Wisconsin you ask?? Fucking culture. Two speeds slow - and nothing. In coming here I gave up family, love and friends as none are here in the land of great milk and shity curds. This was a defining moment and that moment, up to this point is shit. More to come and. Very little is good but perhaPs tomorrow is better. TBC