We have all been there. Married or divorced, together or apart, cheating or faithful. That pretty much sums it up for all except the asexual who have my sincere condolences. I'm so fucking sorry you are addicted to Star Wars, Star Trek, Comic Con or The Bridges of Madison County (the worst movie ever). George Lucas thanks you though for that new house in Bermuda he bought with the cash he got from you all not screwing. Fuck off Chewbaca.
Over the last few weeks I have been enlightened to a few things, fun tidbits of info which could and should be useful to any single dude regardless of which state you hail, or now reside. Don't mistake my intentions - my girl straight up got away. "Fuck off" I think it was. The hotness in my world has decided that the company of an emotional 8 year old doesn't suit her. I am what I am, and with that being said I drudged up some valuable knowledge which I would be remiss in not passing on to my single male friends out there in the big bad world.
1) Single chicks (God love them) under 30 are completely and totally BATSHIT crazy. This is of course a generality, so the one girl (if there is one) originally from Vegas and my favorite 42 year old from LA are exempt - as well as family members.
2) When all goes to shit, refer to rule #1.
3) Drink only expensive Vodka. The cheap shit kills more brain cells and not only gives you a headache but kicks you in the balls in the AM. Oh yeah, don't believe the psychobabble that nobody can smell the stuff. It's bullshit.
4) At the edge of the world, feel everything before you jump off into oblivion. You may feel nothing again.
AXL FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Muthafuckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Dear world, the future is a nihilistic bitch with shitty intentions and ideas to ruin ones future plans. Its kind of like a fucking weatherman, who subsequently gets paid to guess - loser. Perhaps we'd all be better off just waking up and flipping a coin - thus allowing chance or fate or kharma or whatever to decide how the day is going to go? Speeding ticket, meeting a friend, lover, loser or train wreck could be a heads or tails away. My preference as presumptuous as it may sound would be to say fuck off to the universe each and every morning, hence taking life head on. Either way one is not in the same fucking place as yesterday - and that my fellow reader is known and recogniZed in this century as fucking progress, or change. Whichever fits your narcicism best. Rock on.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Tundra part two
So, I apparently offended the locals without meaning to. Story of my fucking life. My condolences to the people there. I'm guessing it will take six months to get used to the rate shit moves in the badger state. Until then, numbers dont lie and the bottom line is king. I'm humbled and grateful for the opportunity to exercise my craft. I promise to stop taking pictures of wild turkeys and just run the fuckers over. More to come.......
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Ok. So I'm now in the Fucking tundra. No lady friend love of my life type shit but whats a white guy engineer to do? What's strange about Wisconsin you ask?? Fucking culture. Two speeds slow - and nothing. In coming here I gave up family, love and friends as none are here in the land of great milk and shity curds. This was a defining moment and that moment, up to this point is shit. More to come and. Very little is good but perhaPs tomorrow is better. TBC
Friday, December 23, 2011
The Game
It's not always easy, it's not always fun but the game continues. Games, the set up is an arbitrary set of rules set out by at least two opponents to crush the other into submission. It doesn't matter whether it is the NFL, the NBA or even hockey. It's all about breaking your opponents will, and exposing their weakness for at least their opponent to see - and at worst the entire free fucking world to gawk at.
This is as timeless as time itself, and as long as we have been upright and with thumbs it has been going on. Sometimes with the most ruthless of consequences. In the beginning (depending on which theory you subscribe to) man was to compete with the world to live. Just to eat was a pain in the asss. Not like today where 3 bucks can get you 2500 of the most disingenuous of calories at any shitty drive through.
But, just like everything in life there is the simple, most elegant of exceptions. Love. Love has been called an addiction, wars have been fought over it, people have died, killed themselves and others to get it. Maintain it. Hold the abstract in their hand. How the fuck can you hold anything abstract?
When love IS the game, who wants to defeat their opponent - or in other words the one they love? But that is the game, right? That is what we have been indoctrinated with our entire lives. It lives within us right next door to Mr. fucking EGO - and that fucker has a mansion. The white house has got nothing on that dudes guest house. So how do you win at this game with its arbitrary rules which have been defined over centuries? Be honest.
Man woman or child, it really makes no difference other than the level of understanding. Honesty. Straight up and without fail. See, the only ego you get to play with, move around and even sacrifice is your own. Ego is that little voice inside your head that says, "let's fucking be right, fuck the world. They don't care anyway". And that dude can never seem to shut the fuck up.
Medical science has tried. Drugs and chemicals are all a means to shut the ego up. Billions dollar industries have been designated to it. Make the one little pill or elixir that will silence the urging, the voice - that will to self sacrifice. All have failed, miserably! But the machine must keep going. Dollars must be spent and made. And for what? If the cats in charge of this project worked for any normal corporation they would have been fired long ago.
My advice, for what it's worth is to check that fucker Ego at the door. We all have to eat a little shit occasionally. Get out the ketchup and go to work. As for the rest of us who have allowed this bastard to proliferate in any part of our lives be it professional, personal or familial make amends now - and don't let the last thing you say to the one(s) that you love is not just that.
Merry Christmas!
This is as timeless as time itself, and as long as we have been upright and with thumbs it has been going on. Sometimes with the most ruthless of consequences. In the beginning (depending on which theory you subscribe to) man was to compete with the world to live. Just to eat was a pain in the asss. Not like today where 3 bucks can get you 2500 of the most disingenuous of calories at any shitty drive through.
But, just like everything in life there is the simple, most elegant of exceptions. Love. Love has been called an addiction, wars have been fought over it, people have died, killed themselves and others to get it. Maintain it. Hold the abstract in their hand. How the fuck can you hold anything abstract?
When love IS the game, who wants to defeat their opponent - or in other words the one they love? But that is the game, right? That is what we have been indoctrinated with our entire lives. It lives within us right next door to Mr. fucking EGO - and that fucker has a mansion. The white house has got nothing on that dudes guest house. So how do you win at this game with its arbitrary rules which have been defined over centuries? Be honest.
Man woman or child, it really makes no difference other than the level of understanding. Honesty. Straight up and without fail. See, the only ego you get to play with, move around and even sacrifice is your own. Ego is that little voice inside your head that says, "let's fucking be right, fuck the world. They don't care anyway". And that dude can never seem to shut the fuck up.
Medical science has tried. Drugs and chemicals are all a means to shut the ego up. Billions dollar industries have been designated to it. Make the one little pill or elixir that will silence the urging, the voice - that will to self sacrifice. All have failed, miserably! But the machine must keep going. Dollars must be spent and made. And for what? If the cats in charge of this project worked for any normal corporation they would have been fired long ago.
My advice, for what it's worth is to check that fucker Ego at the door. We all have to eat a little shit occasionally. Get out the ketchup and go to work. As for the rest of us who have allowed this bastard to proliferate in any part of our lives be it professional, personal or familial make amends now - and don't let the last thing you say to the one(s) that you love is not just that.
Merry Christmas!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Almost worth the fucking ticket!
That's right fuckers - I'm back, at least for the day. No homework so I can drop some worthless logic and wisdom - or regale you with my personal run-ins with the Glendale police department. I have met up with those cock suckers twice in the past 4 days. Lucky me.
So last Thursday I am running late for my 7:30am math class. This is the one class I have that attendance counts - and is taken - and counts against you if you are absent or tardy. How exactly, I don't know.
7:30am comes early and last Thursday I was running late. Like 2 minutes late - and that includes the 10 minute walk I usually make to get to class. So, in the interest of time I decided to park closer in the pay lot 1/3 mile closer than the lot I usually patronize.
I turn into the lot (making a left hand turn from an actual turn lane) and a motorcycle cop points me to a spot in the lot where he proceeded to write me a ticket. For what? I asked as dude checks my license and insurance. "Didn't you see the sign"? What fucking sign, I asked? "The sign that says you can't make a left hand turn between 6 and 9 am"? Nope!
Now I have been working on shutting the fuck up, especially when my mouth running is only going to exacerbate my situation - but this fucker had his little ticket book out already and he can't arrest me for questioning his intelligence.
Me:You are seriously going to write me up?
Cop 1: Yup.
Me: Does that sign make any fucking sense to you, or was it made by the Ambiguity Shithead Scenario Group - or ASS Group"?
Then, officer SAT's asks me, "what is that supposed to mean"?
Me: I have to explain ambiguity to you?
Cop 1: No......
Me: Then what does it mean, huh?
About this point officer Mcstupid's partner walked over. He must have heard the conversation I was having with his buddy.
Cop 2: Go ahead, tell him what it means.
Cop 1: It doesn't matter what it means. There is a sign that says no left hand or u-turns between the hours of 6 and 9 am Monday through Friday.
Me: So you don't know what it means?
Cop1: It means you are getting a ticket.
Me: Isn't this actually just a summons?
Cop 2 is laughing by now. Cop 1 is just pissed off.
Cop1: I need your signature.
Me: For what?
Cop: To show that I gave you the SUMMONS.
Me: I don't want the ticket though.
Cop2: We can take you in to the jail to get your signature.
Both of these cops were on motorcycles, with their stupid looking "hip wader" boots on.
Me: What, you going to make me ride on the back of your scooter?
The first cop was completely pissed off by now, and I knew it. He stared at me while getting on his radio and requesting backup.
Me: Fine, where do I sign?
Cop 1: It's not an admission of guilt, just a promise to show up.
Me: You know my address has changed right?
Cop 1: It's not on your license. How long has it been since you moved?
Me: A year or so.
Dude starts to smile. I knew what he was trying to do. In California it is against the law to not change your address within 30 days of moving. He breaks out another ticket for me and begins to fill it out.
Cop 1: What is your current address?
Me: (I tell him)
He proceeds to fill out the ticket for failure to change my address and hands it to me to sign.
Me: I'm not signing that.
Cop 1: Do you want to go to jail?
Me: Nope.
Cop 1: Then sign the citation.
Me: Nope.
Cop 2: Why would you agree to sign the first ticket, er, summons, and not this one?
Me: I changed my fucking address already.
Cop 1: You are still getting this citation.
Me: Really?
I walked over to my car and dug out my DMV paperwork. I found my address change receipt, and brought it out to show it to dummy. I handed it to him. Cop 2 was laughing his ass off by now and I felt vindicated.
Me: You still want me to sign that? (pointing at his neato ticket book)
Cop 1 walks off ripping up the ticket he wrote for me. I may have received a ticket, but making a cop feel stupid was almost worth it. If you know you are getting a ticket anyway, give a little back.
So last Thursday I am running late for my 7:30am math class. This is the one class I have that attendance counts - and is taken - and counts against you if you are absent or tardy. How exactly, I don't know.
7:30am comes early and last Thursday I was running late. Like 2 minutes late - and that includes the 10 minute walk I usually make to get to class. So, in the interest of time I decided to park closer in the pay lot 1/3 mile closer than the lot I usually patronize.
I turn into the lot (making a left hand turn from an actual turn lane) and a motorcycle cop points me to a spot in the lot where he proceeded to write me a ticket. For what? I asked as dude checks my license and insurance. "Didn't you see the sign"? What fucking sign, I asked? "The sign that says you can't make a left hand turn between 6 and 9 am"? Nope!
Now I have been working on shutting the fuck up, especially when my mouth running is only going to exacerbate my situation - but this fucker had his little ticket book out already and he can't arrest me for questioning his intelligence.
Me:You are seriously going to write me up?
Cop 1: Yup.
Me: Does that sign make any fucking sense to you, or was it made by the Ambiguity Shithead Scenario Group - or ASS Group"?
Then, officer SAT's asks me, "what is that supposed to mean"?
Me: I have to explain ambiguity to you?
Cop 1: No......
Me: Then what does it mean, huh?
About this point officer Mcstupid's partner walked over. He must have heard the conversation I was having with his buddy.
Cop 2: Go ahead, tell him what it means.
Cop 1: It doesn't matter what it means. There is a sign that says no left hand or u-turns between the hours of 6 and 9 am Monday through Friday.
Me: So you don't know what it means?
Cop1: It means you are getting a ticket.
Me: Isn't this actually just a summons?
Cop 2 is laughing by now. Cop 1 is just pissed off.
Cop1: I need your signature.
Me: For what?
Cop: To show that I gave you the SUMMONS.
Me: I don't want the ticket though.
Cop2: We can take you in to the jail to get your signature.
Both of these cops were on motorcycles, with their stupid looking "hip wader" boots on.
Me: What, you going to make me ride on the back of your scooter?
The first cop was completely pissed off by now, and I knew it. He stared at me while getting on his radio and requesting backup.
Me: Fine, where do I sign?
Cop 1: It's not an admission of guilt, just a promise to show up.
Me: You know my address has changed right?
Cop 1: It's not on your license. How long has it been since you moved?
Me: A year or so.
Dude starts to smile. I knew what he was trying to do. In California it is against the law to not change your address within 30 days of moving. He breaks out another ticket for me and begins to fill it out.
Cop 1: What is your current address?
Me: (I tell him)
He proceeds to fill out the ticket for failure to change my address and hands it to me to sign.
Me: I'm not signing that.
Cop 1: Do you want to go to jail?
Me: Nope.
Cop 1: Then sign the citation.
Me: Nope.
Cop 2: Why would you agree to sign the first ticket, er, summons, and not this one?
Me: I changed my fucking address already.
Cop 1: You are still getting this citation.
Me: Really?
I walked over to my car and dug out my DMV paperwork. I found my address change receipt, and brought it out to show it to dummy. I handed it to him. Cop 2 was laughing his ass off by now and I felt vindicated.
Me: You still want me to sign that? (pointing at his neato ticket book)
Cop 1 walks off ripping up the ticket he wrote for me. I may have received a ticket, but making a cop feel stupid was almost worth it. If you know you are getting a ticket anyway, give a little back.
Friday, October 7, 2011
The Garden
My girl sent me an article the other day, and it caught me by complete surprise. In it was a story about the Federal government sending out menacing letters to pot dispensaries in California essentially giving them 45 days to shut the fuck down. This, from a federal government who for the last two years has insisted the states are grown ups and can handle their own shit. There are 30 plus states who have also voted medical marijuana use into law - and I'm guessing they are next.
The letters were sent by the attorney general (notice no caps) to dispensaries up and down the state. The letters threaten the owners of the land if not owned by dispensary operators with forfeiture of said property, felony charges and most likely some bullshit RICO predications for good measure. Can you say INJUNCTION???????
This kiddies is not what you think - the continuation of the war on drugs. People aren't going to quit smoking weed because Obama can't seem to balance his checkbook. Nope. This is political, and if truth be told I would bet the president has a secret service dude on standby at ALL times with a smoke and a toke.
Nope kids, this is about the pharmaceutical whores who are the largest cartels on the planet. They have shitloads of cash and lobbyists to pay off all of those corrupt fuckers in DC, all so they can create Pot-Marts. These fuckers have seen the taxes generated from the sale of pot here in California and the government hates competition.
So, step one - shut down existing operations. Obama Jabong will take the high (no pun intended) road and claim gateway drug blah blah blah. Pot is destroying the youth of America.......or maybe people are just gradually becoming dumber?????
Step two - hand the weed production, distribution and sale to corporate America in the way of SKB, Watson and others.
Step three - Issue stock in Weed Marts (IPO) and since president smoker dude will own a huge portion of said corporation BEFORE the IPO dude gets rich(er) and everybody is happy.
Obama should have figured out he won't be at the White house for another 4 years - he fucked up. Sorry dude, game over. But if this is your parting gift to the stoners of California, a state you think you can carry regardless what your incumbent ass does, you are so fucking wrong.
This is essentially your retirement fund (allegedly) and your transparency is for shit. Remember history before you go fucking with the stoner republic and tearing down their grassy knoll. Nothing good comes from a grassy knoll - except weed for those who wish to use it MEDICINALLY.
One last point, and take this in the spirit in which it is intended but - PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BEING MANIPULATED WHEN THEY KNOW THEY ARE BEING MANIPULATED. Feel free to change your bong water, smoke a Newport and relax. Your time in DC is coming to an end.
The letters were sent by the attorney general (notice no caps) to dispensaries up and down the state. The letters threaten the owners of the land if not owned by dispensary operators with forfeiture of said property, felony charges and most likely some bullshit RICO predications for good measure. Can you say INJUNCTION???????
This kiddies is not what you think - the continuation of the war on drugs. People aren't going to quit smoking weed because Obama can't seem to balance his checkbook. Nope. This is political, and if truth be told I would bet the president has a secret service dude on standby at ALL times with a smoke and a toke.
Nope kids, this is about the pharmaceutical whores who are the largest cartels on the planet. They have shitloads of cash and lobbyists to pay off all of those corrupt fuckers in DC, all so they can create Pot-Marts. These fuckers have seen the taxes generated from the sale of pot here in California and the government hates competition.
So, step one - shut down existing operations. Obama Jabong will take the high (no pun intended) road and claim gateway drug blah blah blah. Pot is destroying the youth of America.......or maybe people are just gradually becoming dumber?????
Step two - hand the weed production, distribution and sale to corporate America in the way of SKB, Watson and others.
Step three - Issue stock in Weed Marts (IPO) and since president smoker dude will own a huge portion of said corporation BEFORE the IPO dude gets rich(er) and everybody is happy.
Obama should have figured out he won't be at the White house for another 4 years - he fucked up. Sorry dude, game over. But if this is your parting gift to the stoners of California, a state you think you can carry regardless what your incumbent ass does, you are so fucking wrong.
This is essentially your retirement fund (allegedly) and your transparency is for shit. Remember history before you go fucking with the stoner republic and tearing down their grassy knoll. Nothing good comes from a grassy knoll - except weed for those who wish to use it MEDICINALLY.
One last point, and take this in the spirit in which it is intended but - PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BEING MANIPULATED WHEN THEY KNOW THEY ARE BEING MANIPULATED. Feel free to change your bong water, smoke a Newport and relax. Your time in DC is coming to an end.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Are you ready for some bullshit?
Freedom of speech is one of this country's foundations. Sure, there is shit you can't say - fire in a fucking movie house: "bomb" on an airplane: "whore" in church. Who knew saying "Hitler" on Fox would get Hank Williams Jr. banned from ESPN's Monday Night Football theme?
Apparently, Williams is smarter than the fuckers that run ESPN as he chose to clarify his comment(s) that he made referencing the "golf" summit between Obama and House Speaker Boehner comparing it to Hitler playing golf with the Israeli president - it won't get shit done.
Williams went on to say the two politicians, who both smoke by the way, are polar opposites. It doesn't take a fucking advanced degree to figure that out. The "conflict" between the Israeli's and every Muslim country for control of the Holy Land has been going on for over two thousand years - and it will never get fixed. Not today, tomorrow or ever.
For Hank to make the statement is almost less opinion than fact - and to lose a gig opening America's pastime in primetime goes to show how fucked up this country can be. I know, it's the President, but he has done a shit job - the economy sucks, the national debt is out of control and dude is on the golf course trying to figure out how to get another four years?
Calling it how it is, as far as I know, is still allowed - even if it hurts the big dudes feelings. Some shit just might need to be said regardless of how politically incorrect it is to the corporate world.
I personally don't care for Hank's music, but I like the man. Had he called the president a fucking idiot it's entirely possible I could throw in the word "love" - but he held his tongue.
Dude is considering running for office in Tennessee and it would almost be worth it to move there just so I can vote for him. It doesn't matter which side of the political isle you are on, this is some BULLSHIT! I'm glad House is starting tonight so I don't have to watch their shitty network anymore than I have to, besides the game tonight sucks. Have a nice day, and beware of what you say. You just might lose your job!
Apparently, Williams is smarter than the fuckers that run ESPN as he chose to clarify his comment(s) that he made referencing the "golf" summit between Obama and House Speaker Boehner comparing it to Hitler playing golf with the Israeli president - it won't get shit done.
Williams went on to say the two politicians, who both smoke by the way, are polar opposites. It doesn't take a fucking advanced degree to figure that out. The "conflict" between the Israeli's and every Muslim country for control of the Holy Land has been going on for over two thousand years - and it will never get fixed. Not today, tomorrow or ever.
For Hank to make the statement is almost less opinion than fact - and to lose a gig opening America's pastime in primetime goes to show how fucked up this country can be. I know, it's the President, but he has done a shit job - the economy sucks, the national debt is out of control and dude is on the golf course trying to figure out how to get another four years?
Calling it how it is, as far as I know, is still allowed - even if it hurts the big dudes feelings. Some shit just might need to be said regardless of how politically incorrect it is to the corporate world.
I personally don't care for Hank's music, but I like the man. Had he called the president a fucking idiot it's entirely possible I could throw in the word "love" - but he held his tongue.
Dude is considering running for office in Tennessee and it would almost be worth it to move there just so I can vote for him. It doesn't matter which side of the political isle you are on, this is some BULLSHIT! I'm glad House is starting tonight so I don't have to watch their shitty network anymore than I have to, besides the game tonight sucks. Have a nice day, and beware of what you say. You just might lose your job!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
"Because we have always done it this way" = Death by lethal injection
That is what the LAPD and Orange County PD said when asked if they were inclined to modify their "official" police line-up protocol. A new study has just been released showing when cops who a) know which photo is the potentially guilty party and b) the photographs are all shown at the same time the false identification rate goes up exponentially.
The ideal scenario is to use a computer, and to show witnesses possible perpetrators one at a time so they can compare the photos to what is inside of their head, or memory instead of the other pictures of benign suspects. This method, also known as the "double blind" method - is used routinely in the scientific and pharmaceutical worlds. Why? Because it fucking works.
This study on improper criminal identifications has been conducted over 35 years, and has taken a back seat to genetic evidence, until recently. Troy Davis was executed yesterday and how ironic is it that this high profile case was on and off again several times, had governmental officials involved along with some high profile civilians? if I remember correctly 2 million people signed a petition to have the execution stayed until sufficient police work was done - which is essentially a life sentence.
In the Davis case, there was no physical or DNA evidence linking him to the death of an off duty cop who was shot in the late 80s.
I'm not contending that this guy was not guilty - I don't know that much about his case. I do know if it was up to me there is no fucking way I could have pushed that syringe. Dudes like Timothy Mcveigh I have no issue with eliminating from the gene puddle. Difference is TM admitted his crime, which as horrific as it was came off as original and effective as any attack on American soil, until Bin Laden had his epiphany. Look where he ended up - and he fucking deserved it on general principal alone.
The death penalty is a controversial issue, and there is no rational reason to continue a piss poor process that potentially leads to the afterlife without having state of the art technology to use (not manipulate) at the disposal of the authorities. That said, I like cops about as much as I like getting poison oak on my cock. However, they are a necessary evil that allegedly maintains order and hands out speeding tickets.
To kill a man due to conjecture, hearsay and general bullshit is a fucking travesty of injustice. I will say the dude took it like a man and didn't cry and make a bunch of fucking noise. He quietly maintained his innocence and let the system fuck him. Nice job system!
This brings me to the LAPD and the cocksuckers down south in the OC - you can't have it both ways dummies. You cannot convict someone using technology such as genetic testing and at the same time deny a new protocol that will help you eliminate your fuckups. Perhaps your department doesn't want to fix the fuckups, but you work for us, the taxpayers - we are the board of directors and if there is a new method of keeping your idiocy out of the legal equation I'm all for it. Now, all we need to do is gather a quorum and take a vote.
I'm not sure what the problem is or where the resistance is coming from as it pertains to this issue, but when I see your cruisers running around with duct tape holding the bumper on I'm guessing that doesn't breed confidence in your capabilities or your intellect - or your integrity.
Consider changing your slogan from "to protect and serve" to "we may just ass fuck you". It would definitely be more accurate and believable.
Look, nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes. But those mistakes are as serious as the consequences they cause. Feel free to quit fucking up, profiling and writing people up at the end of every month. We all know you have quotas to fill, but, if you did your fucking jobs every day instead of cramming 30 days worth of tickets into speed traps 4 days at the end of every month we would all be better off.
By the way, those little mountie helmets your MC cops wear look stupid as hell. Just thought you should know. Have a nice day!
The ideal scenario is to use a computer, and to show witnesses possible perpetrators one at a time so they can compare the photos to what is inside of their head, or memory instead of the other pictures of benign suspects. This method, also known as the "double blind" method - is used routinely in the scientific and pharmaceutical worlds. Why? Because it fucking works.
This study on improper criminal identifications has been conducted over 35 years, and has taken a back seat to genetic evidence, until recently. Troy Davis was executed yesterday and how ironic is it that this high profile case was on and off again several times, had governmental officials involved along with some high profile civilians? if I remember correctly 2 million people signed a petition to have the execution stayed until sufficient police work was done - which is essentially a life sentence.
In the Davis case, there was no physical or DNA evidence linking him to the death of an off duty cop who was shot in the late 80s.
I'm not contending that this guy was not guilty - I don't know that much about his case. I do know if it was up to me there is no fucking way I could have pushed that syringe. Dudes like Timothy Mcveigh I have no issue with eliminating from the gene puddle. Difference is TM admitted his crime, which as horrific as it was came off as original and effective as any attack on American soil, until Bin Laden had his epiphany. Look where he ended up - and he fucking deserved it on general principal alone.
The death penalty is a controversial issue, and there is no rational reason to continue a piss poor process that potentially leads to the afterlife without having state of the art technology to use (not manipulate) at the disposal of the authorities. That said, I like cops about as much as I like getting poison oak on my cock. However, they are a necessary evil that allegedly maintains order and hands out speeding tickets.
To kill a man due to conjecture, hearsay and general bullshit is a fucking travesty of injustice. I will say the dude took it like a man and didn't cry and make a bunch of fucking noise. He quietly maintained his innocence and let the system fuck him. Nice job system!
This brings me to the LAPD and the cocksuckers down south in the OC - you can't have it both ways dummies. You cannot convict someone using technology such as genetic testing and at the same time deny a new protocol that will help you eliminate your fuckups. Perhaps your department doesn't want to fix the fuckups, but you work for us, the taxpayers - we are the board of directors and if there is a new method of keeping your idiocy out of the legal equation I'm all for it. Now, all we need to do is gather a quorum and take a vote.
I'm not sure what the problem is or where the resistance is coming from as it pertains to this issue, but when I see your cruisers running around with duct tape holding the bumper on I'm guessing that doesn't breed confidence in your capabilities or your intellect - or your integrity.
Consider changing your slogan from "to protect and serve" to "we may just ass fuck you". It would definitely be more accurate and believable.
Look, nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes. But those mistakes are as serious as the consequences they cause. Feel free to quit fucking up, profiling and writing people up at the end of every month. We all know you have quotas to fill, but, if you did your fucking jobs every day instead of cramming 30 days worth of tickets into speed traps 4 days at the end of every month we would all be better off.
By the way, those little mountie helmets your MC cops wear look stupid as hell. Just thought you should know. Have a nice day!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Mensa Hikers Club
The two remaining "incarcerated" hikers from the US have been released from an Iranian prison - alleged to have been spying on Iran for the United States. These cats have been locked up for two years for again "accidentally" stepping over the Iranian border while recreationally hiking. What, their car couldn't make it to Colorado?
There was a third person captured with them, a woman, who was released some time ago. This whole fucking incident is bullshit - three letters will define this scenario: GPS.
First off, if these dudes weren't CIA or some other government acronym, and they just pulled a monumental fucking stupid, then they don't belong on a guided bus tour of Yellowstone.
They were tried and sentenced to 8 years in prison. The Iranian president who has a name I don't care to spell (ajad) is here in the US right now. Coincidence? I don't fucking think so. Ajad knew there was a grassy knoll with his name on it if he kept fucking with Hillary and the State Department. Obama cannot be bothered with this sort of shit.
I can hear the ultra conservatives from here - the US doesn't assassinate world leaders, you know people of influence? Riiiiiiight. That Bin Laden thing was a fucking plot to bolster the economy, or whatever. Ajad knew his days were numbered if he left his sandbox with these stupid assholes locked up, so dude put a price on their heads - $500K each. Let's see, 00000 carry the one - a million dollars "bail" after a sentence has been rendered? That's not bail, it's called a R-A-N-S-O-M because as sure as I'm fucking sitting here these cats will never show back up to court in Iran. Nope, these two are destined to be banished to Assfuck, Ohio - population 3 after they arrive. They are an embarrassment to all of us.
However, these are not smart men so anything is possible but I'm going to go ahead and say they won't be leaving the country anytime soon. If their job was to "spy" on the Iranians and gather intelligence, they suck at it. If they are just stupid hikers, that is like being a pedophile in general population - they aren't long for this world. It's not like they cut off an arm with a pocketknife.....
The "bail" was posted by an anonymous source. Really? Another one of them 3 letter government organizations had to write a check. Get ready for stamps to get more expensive.
The worst part of this scenario is there will inevitably be the talk shows, Larry King and (I cringe to say this) the view. Whoopi Goldberg may very well be the ugliest black thing on television, and the blonde wimpy chick cries all the time. I've seen her husband on ESPN - she gets a pass on that.
Then the made for TV movie, and ultimately the book complete with a tour. Yeah, I want to read about how stupid these fuckers were and have them sign it for me - I want to get captured by a Sleestak too.
If shit goes really well the Oprah channel will send some other stupid fucks, albeit with cameras, over to some other shit hole third world cat box and a new reality show is born. If all goes well perhaps they will issue a coin - how fucked up is that?
Suppose these two were in the mob? They would be asked to do the honorable thing and commit suicide - in a bathtub - by slitting their wrists - lengthwise. Do we need to bring your older brothers to the congressional hearings?
If the US wants to spy on Iran, keep postage prices where they are and use satellites, drones and those with triple digit IQ's like every other world superpower does. Why punish the entire country for the indiscretions of two directionally challenged morons? Oh yeah, Whoopi Goldberg, feel free to fuck right off.
There was a third person captured with them, a woman, who was released some time ago. This whole fucking incident is bullshit - three letters will define this scenario: GPS.
First off, if these dudes weren't CIA or some other government acronym, and they just pulled a monumental fucking stupid, then they don't belong on a guided bus tour of Yellowstone.
They were tried and sentenced to 8 years in prison. The Iranian president who has a name I don't care to spell (ajad) is here in the US right now. Coincidence? I don't fucking think so. Ajad knew there was a grassy knoll with his name on it if he kept fucking with Hillary and the State Department. Obama cannot be bothered with this sort of shit.
I can hear the ultra conservatives from here - the US doesn't assassinate world leaders, you know people of influence? Riiiiiiight. That Bin Laden thing was a fucking plot to bolster the economy, or whatever. Ajad knew his days were numbered if he left his sandbox with these stupid assholes locked up, so dude put a price on their heads - $500K each. Let's see, 00000 carry the one - a million dollars "bail" after a sentence has been rendered? That's not bail, it's called a R-A-N-S-O-M because as sure as I'm fucking sitting here these cats will never show back up to court in Iran. Nope, these two are destined to be banished to Assfuck, Ohio - population 3 after they arrive. They are an embarrassment to all of us.
However, these are not smart men so anything is possible but I'm going to go ahead and say they won't be leaving the country anytime soon. If their job was to "spy" on the Iranians and gather intelligence, they suck at it. If they are just stupid hikers, that is like being a pedophile in general population - they aren't long for this world. It's not like they cut off an arm with a pocketknife.....
The "bail" was posted by an anonymous source. Really? Another one of them 3 letter government organizations had to write a check. Get ready for stamps to get more expensive.
The worst part of this scenario is there will inevitably be the talk shows, Larry King and (I cringe to say this) the view. Whoopi Goldberg may very well be the ugliest black thing on television, and the blonde wimpy chick cries all the time. I've seen her husband on ESPN - she gets a pass on that.
Then the made for TV movie, and ultimately the book complete with a tour. Yeah, I want to read about how stupid these fuckers were and have them sign it for me - I want to get captured by a Sleestak too.
If shit goes really well the Oprah channel will send some other stupid fucks, albeit with cameras, over to some other shit hole third world cat box and a new reality show is born. If all goes well perhaps they will issue a coin - how fucked up is that?
Suppose these two were in the mob? They would be asked to do the honorable thing and commit suicide - in a bathtub - by slitting their wrists - lengthwise. Do we need to bring your older brothers to the congressional hearings?
If the US wants to spy on Iran, keep postage prices where they are and use satellites, drones and those with triple digit IQ's like every other world superpower does. Why punish the entire country for the indiscretions of two directionally challenged morons? Oh yeah, Whoopi Goldberg, feel free to fuck right off.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Nanna Scanners
Here in southern California, we have the unique privilege of grocery shopping at some of the most expensive food markets in the country. I'm not talking about specialty stores catering to the rich and infamous, or cultural markets where you can purchase an entire pig on any day of the year. Nope, the businesses I refer to are probably the same as the stores you all shop in - with one exception. Ok, maybe two.
Here in lovely socal, we get to pay 10% sales tax, which might be different for food but I'm too lazy to check. I know it is fucking spendy to shop here, especially at the big name stores like Albertsons, Vons (Safeway), Stater Bros., and a shit hole called Ralph's. All of them are equally fucked up, and expensive. I'm talking 5 bucks a gallon for non organic milk expensive.
Part of the joy of living in the nations second largest metropolis, aside from the traffic and smog, I mean marine layer is going to the store - and waiting in the endless lines while I watch the manager watch me and the other 312 people trying to get the fuck out of there.
Then, out of nowhere there always appears some little short dude from a hidden door somewhere in the front end of the store who climbs up on a chair to whisper something into the manager's ear. It's like the midget Jedi Mind trick because the manager shakes his head without blinking and magically another lane opens up. Some geriatric lady who blew Bob Hope back in the day shows up limping while trying to keep her teeth in place - smiling that granny grin while she spreads that old lady "red" lipstick all over her partials.
Inevitably, the first words out of her gullet are "can I help you" - and 24 carts race to get to her line first. Not me though, I know better. There is a reason this old lady bakes cookies and gives samples away. Watching her scan groceries is in itself a lesson in futility - and she convinces me that backwards time travel is possible because if she moved any slower shit would fucking stop.
Nice job midget boy, manager tool and senior citizen. You intentions were great but your execution sucks - and when I'm shopping effort means dick. So I am left with the choice of waiting the interminable, purgatorial wait for any one of the two speedy checkers or going through self checkout. Yup, you heard me, self check out. It does have a few advantages:
I never fuck up, ever. When checking my own groceries I don't lose, misplace or end up with assholes contact lens solution. Nope, I get it all right - and fast. The only issue is produce, and with over half of our groceries being produce it becomes a fucking nightmare to scan any and all fresh fruits and veggies.
Corporate food companies must have commissioned some asshole company and a fuckwad software developer who got a copy of "Statistics for Dummies" thus becoming the self proclaimed resident expert of all that is food and shit ticket check out lines - and decided in his video game wisdom how to waste as much as my time as humanly fucking possible.
So when the grocery store workers union threatened to go on strike recently, I was elated. Their position (to be fair) was that they are skilled labor, who make 18 bucks an hour and have better healthcare plans than the fucking government. I heard on the radio that their insurance covers full hospitalization, $25 copay for Dr. visits and $5 prescriptions. The full timers, once fully vested receive 85% of their salary for life upon retirement - and they bitch. Hmmm.
Skilled labor huh? The dumbass with the video game education fucked it up for them, because if skilled labor is knowing how to "scan" a barcode across a scanner then I should be a fucking brain surgeon. Skilled labor? Really?
How many times have you been through the line at the store, brought your food home only to have the single bagged milk or juice sack break leaving you with a fucking mess to clean up and another trip to no mans land because the dude making 18 bucks an hour was too fucking lazy to wrap that fucker up a second time?
So go ahead there grocery boy and threaten me with a good time some more. We for the most part shop at the "non-union" food joints like Smart and Final or Fresh and Easy - and on occasion Trader Joe's. Self checkout at these places is seamless because they got the smart kid who suggested prepackaging all fresh produce and putting bar codes on them. It might cost a little more but it relieves me of having to suffer through the extreme couponers, old slow folks who haven't had real teeth since black and white TV was the shit, and the cockeyed bagger who puts my apples and oven cleaner in the same fucking bag.
Skilled labor? Really?
Here in lovely socal, we get to pay 10% sales tax, which might be different for food but I'm too lazy to check. I know it is fucking spendy to shop here, especially at the big name stores like Albertsons, Vons (Safeway), Stater Bros., and a shit hole called Ralph's. All of them are equally fucked up, and expensive. I'm talking 5 bucks a gallon for non organic milk expensive.
Part of the joy of living in the nations second largest metropolis, aside from the traffic and smog, I mean marine layer is going to the store - and waiting in the endless lines while I watch the manager watch me and the other 312 people trying to get the fuck out of there.
Then, out of nowhere there always appears some little short dude from a hidden door somewhere in the front end of the store who climbs up on a chair to whisper something into the manager's ear. It's like the midget Jedi Mind trick because the manager shakes his head without blinking and magically another lane opens up. Some geriatric lady who blew Bob Hope back in the day shows up limping while trying to keep her teeth in place - smiling that granny grin while she spreads that old lady "red" lipstick all over her partials.
Inevitably, the first words out of her gullet are "can I help you" - and 24 carts race to get to her line first. Not me though, I know better. There is a reason this old lady bakes cookies and gives samples away. Watching her scan groceries is in itself a lesson in futility - and she convinces me that backwards time travel is possible because if she moved any slower shit would fucking stop.
Nice job midget boy, manager tool and senior citizen. You intentions were great but your execution sucks - and when I'm shopping effort means dick. So I am left with the choice of waiting the interminable, purgatorial wait for any one of the two speedy checkers or going through self checkout. Yup, you heard me, self check out. It does have a few advantages:
I never fuck up, ever. When checking my own groceries I don't lose, misplace or end up with assholes contact lens solution. Nope, I get it all right - and fast. The only issue is produce, and with over half of our groceries being produce it becomes a fucking nightmare to scan any and all fresh fruits and veggies.
Corporate food companies must have commissioned some asshole company and a fuckwad software developer who got a copy of "Statistics for Dummies" thus becoming the self proclaimed resident expert of all that is food and shit ticket check out lines - and decided in his video game wisdom how to waste as much as my time as humanly fucking possible.
So when the grocery store workers union threatened to go on strike recently, I was elated. Their position (to be fair) was that they are skilled labor, who make 18 bucks an hour and have better healthcare plans than the fucking government. I heard on the radio that their insurance covers full hospitalization, $25 copay for Dr. visits and $5 prescriptions. The full timers, once fully vested receive 85% of their salary for life upon retirement - and they bitch. Hmmm.
Skilled labor huh? The dumbass with the video game education fucked it up for them, because if skilled labor is knowing how to "scan" a barcode across a scanner then I should be a fucking brain surgeon. Skilled labor? Really?
How many times have you been through the line at the store, brought your food home only to have the single bagged milk or juice sack break leaving you with a fucking mess to clean up and another trip to no mans land because the dude making 18 bucks an hour was too fucking lazy to wrap that fucker up a second time?
So go ahead there grocery boy and threaten me with a good time some more. We for the most part shop at the "non-union" food joints like Smart and Final or Fresh and Easy - and on occasion Trader Joe's. Self checkout at these places is seamless because they got the smart kid who suggested prepackaging all fresh produce and putting bar codes on them. It might cost a little more but it relieves me of having to suffer through the extreme couponers, old slow folks who haven't had real teeth since black and white TV was the shit, and the cockeyed bagger who puts my apples and oven cleaner in the same fucking bag.
Skilled labor? Really?
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The Kardashian Way
Some of the feedback I have received from my readers as of late suggests that I pick a "positive" topic, or one that doesn't reflect the world going to shit - now or in the very near future. Well, I'm going to give it a shot. Here goes.
What the fuck are the Kardashian sisters famous for? Can anybody tell me what any of the three have done to be "famous" or reach celebrity status? Sure their daddy was one of OJ's attorneys, but he didn't get his own talk show, or launch legalzoom.com or do interviews from Buttfuck, Montana in tasseled leatherskin jackets giving legal opinions on shit he wasn't involved in. In fact the dude died.
Then, Ms. Kardashian married Bruce Jenner who won some olympic medals. Jenner WAS famous for about 6 minutes before he vanished into obscurity - albeit he has "G" list status for life. Momma Kardashian birthed 3 pretty girls, but several women have done that. Shit, visit Utah and you will find a woman who can double or possibly quadruple that many live births of future hotties. So mom didn't do a fucking thing to propel these girls from well to do rich kids to having a "reality" tv show.
That's another thing that pisses me off - writers get no credit for writing these stupid fucking shows - another subject, another day. Back to the matter at hand.
One of these bimbos married Lamar Odom of the Lakers. He is a half step above Luke "I wanna date the unmarried sister but I'm white and ugly" Walton and will be forgotten as soon as his last game is played - unless he beats up his famous wife. Nah, that shit never happens - whatever...
The eighties and nineties were cool, and are often cited on youtube comments because it took talent and work to become a celebrity. You had to have something to offer even if your voice sounds like nails on a fucking chalkboard. So far, as hard as I try, I cannot make that argument for any of these chicks.
I live in Burbank, near a jogging trail and you cannot throw a dead cat without hitting a hot woman - so what the fuck is so special about these sisters?
Reggie Bush is with me on this.
Now, in the world of "hey lets put a fucking family of morons on TV and call it a show" it appears our entertainment barometer is fucking busted. Of course there is the obligatory book that goes with all of this shit as well. It will probably be a best seller among those who are just beginning to bleed monthly and cross-dressers.
I can hear it now, "they are racially diverse", or "their actions bridge cultural gaps". What a crock of shit. I'm racially diverse, I wanna bridge cultural and socioeconomic gaps. How come I don't have my own TV show?
Actually, the Kardashian's as a TV show are a fucking embarrassment that cannot be undone. They have polluted you tube, twitter, facebook and every other media outlet because of titties and asses. I like titties and asses - well you get the point.
Let's just go ahead and name it, the condition of being famous for no legitimate reason - Hiltons disease. You guessed it, I named that after the godmother of being famous for no good reason, Paris. Have you seen her porno? She should be ashamed of her performance in that flick. No intensity, no motivation, not much of anything. She looked like a geriatric trying to ride a bicycle with arthritis and bad knees. Worst part is I can't get that 8 minutes back.
All I can hope for is on my deathbed I will not look back as Hilton's lame attempt at sex being the single biggest waste of time EVER. I can only worry about that so long as I never see the Kardashian's show.
What the fuck are the Kardashian sisters famous for? Can anybody tell me what any of the three have done to be "famous" or reach celebrity status? Sure their daddy was one of OJ's attorneys, but he didn't get his own talk show, or launch legalzoom.com or do interviews from Buttfuck, Montana in tasseled leatherskin jackets giving legal opinions on shit he wasn't involved in. In fact the dude died.
Then, Ms. Kardashian married Bruce Jenner who won some olympic medals. Jenner WAS famous for about 6 minutes before he vanished into obscurity - albeit he has "G" list status for life. Momma Kardashian birthed 3 pretty girls, but several women have done that. Shit, visit Utah and you will find a woman who can double or possibly quadruple that many live births of future hotties. So mom didn't do a fucking thing to propel these girls from well to do rich kids to having a "reality" tv show.
That's another thing that pisses me off - writers get no credit for writing these stupid fucking shows - another subject, another day. Back to the matter at hand.
One of these bimbos married Lamar Odom of the Lakers. He is a half step above Luke "I wanna date the unmarried sister but I'm white and ugly" Walton and will be forgotten as soon as his last game is played - unless he beats up his famous wife. Nah, that shit never happens - whatever...
The eighties and nineties were cool, and are often cited on youtube comments because it took talent and work to become a celebrity. You had to have something to offer even if your voice sounds like nails on a fucking chalkboard. So far, as hard as I try, I cannot make that argument for any of these chicks.
I live in Burbank, near a jogging trail and you cannot throw a dead cat without hitting a hot woman - so what the fuck is so special about these sisters?
Reggie Bush is with me on this.
Now, in the world of "hey lets put a fucking family of morons on TV and call it a show" it appears our entertainment barometer is fucking busted. Of course there is the obligatory book that goes with all of this shit as well. It will probably be a best seller among those who are just beginning to bleed monthly and cross-dressers.
I can hear it now, "they are racially diverse", or "their actions bridge cultural gaps". What a crock of shit. I'm racially diverse, I wanna bridge cultural and socioeconomic gaps. How come I don't have my own TV show?
Actually, the Kardashian's as a TV show are a fucking embarrassment that cannot be undone. They have polluted you tube, twitter, facebook and every other media outlet because of titties and asses. I like titties and asses - well you get the point.
Let's just go ahead and name it, the condition of being famous for no legitimate reason - Hiltons disease. You guessed it, I named that after the godmother of being famous for no good reason, Paris. Have you seen her porno? She should be ashamed of her performance in that flick. No intensity, no motivation, not much of anything. She looked like a geriatric trying to ride a bicycle with arthritis and bad knees. Worst part is I can't get that 8 minutes back.
All I can hope for is on my deathbed I will not look back as Hilton's lame attempt at sex being the single biggest waste of time EVER. I can only worry about that so long as I never see the Kardashian's show.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Bad Sponge
I had to recently write an essay on SpongeBob SquarePants - needless to say I have never seen the show personally, so I interviewed my 15 year old niece. What a cultural phenomenon that is a complete fucking fraud. If you like SpongeBob, quit reading now because it doesn't get any nicer from here.
In doing my research, I found that this fucker is not the friendly, optimistic babysitter that he has been made out to be. Don't worry, I will back up my claims with factual information. But keep in mind this bitch is a fraud - straight up.
As those of you who are familiar with the show, Bob is a kitchen sponge that lives in a myopic world under the sea. He was developed by a marine biologist as a vehicle (allegedly) to teach kids under 11 the workings of life under the ocean. I suppose brilliance and stupidity intersect occasionally.
Series creator Steve Hindenburg has created a cultural icon that is loved by all demographics, all over the world. Talk about failing upward! There are several issues with Bob's world that are in direct contrast with the real world.
Bob's job is a fry cook for Krabbie Patties, of which the ingredients are unknown. Even when asked Hindenburg alluded to the fact that the patties may be vegetarian - riiiiiigggghhhhhhht and my dog has wings growing out of his ass. Vegetarian under the sea? Come on dude, you made a gazillion dollars off this fucker and that is the best you could come up with?
If the patties are truly made from crab meat, then some of the customers are cannibalistic - try explaining that one to young kids and some older brother will go all Hannibal Lector on his younger sibling. If dude says they are vegetarian, then not only is he full of shit but he is again creating a world that is not possible, or feasible.
There was a question of Bob's sexuality back in 2005 - as in Bob and his best buddy Patrick (starfish) knocking boots. Again creator Hindenburg pulled a stupid and said "we never intended for Bob to be gay, I look at him as more asexual". Asexual? The only way Patrick could fuck himself (literally) is to break himself in half. Sort of like a liver transplant - both halves live. I wonder which would be Pat and which would be Rick? But I digress, and the idea of Bob and Patrick nailing each other offscreen is not only physically impossible, it's stupid. A marine biologist should know this. I'm sure dude has fucking GOOGLE.
The worst part of the show is a report that was emailed to me today from a buddy of mine that stated 4 year old, white, rich kids developed ADD or ADHD after just 9 minutes of watching SpongeBob. These kids were also doomed to be fat kids because compared to their peer control group, they ate their snack several minutes before the kids that didn't watch the show.
Shitty part is Hindenburg lives in my zip code.........
In doing my research, I found that this fucker is not the friendly, optimistic babysitter that he has been made out to be. Don't worry, I will back up my claims with factual information. But keep in mind this bitch is a fraud - straight up.
As those of you who are familiar with the show, Bob is a kitchen sponge that lives in a myopic world under the sea. He was developed by a marine biologist as a vehicle (allegedly) to teach kids under 11 the workings of life under the ocean. I suppose brilliance and stupidity intersect occasionally.
Series creator Steve Hindenburg has created a cultural icon that is loved by all demographics, all over the world. Talk about failing upward! There are several issues with Bob's world that are in direct contrast with the real world.
Bob's job is a fry cook for Krabbie Patties, of which the ingredients are unknown. Even when asked Hindenburg alluded to the fact that the patties may be vegetarian - riiiiiigggghhhhhhht and my dog has wings growing out of his ass. Vegetarian under the sea? Come on dude, you made a gazillion dollars off this fucker and that is the best you could come up with?
If the patties are truly made from crab meat, then some of the customers are cannibalistic - try explaining that one to young kids and some older brother will go all Hannibal Lector on his younger sibling. If dude says they are vegetarian, then not only is he full of shit but he is again creating a world that is not possible, or feasible.
There was a question of Bob's sexuality back in 2005 - as in Bob and his best buddy Patrick (starfish) knocking boots. Again creator Hindenburg pulled a stupid and said "we never intended for Bob to be gay, I look at him as more asexual". Asexual? The only way Patrick could fuck himself (literally) is to break himself in half. Sort of like a liver transplant - both halves live. I wonder which would be Pat and which would be Rick? But I digress, and the idea of Bob and Patrick nailing each other offscreen is not only physically impossible, it's stupid. A marine biologist should know this. I'm sure dude has fucking GOOGLE.
The worst part of the show is a report that was emailed to me today from a buddy of mine that stated 4 year old, white, rich kids developed ADD or ADHD after just 9 minutes of watching SpongeBob. These kids were also doomed to be fat kids because compared to their peer control group, they ate their snack several minutes before the kids that didn't watch the show.
Shitty part is Hindenburg lives in my zip code.........
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Fucking Zero's
I received a text message from my little brother in Dallas - telling me how much he enjoys my blogs. It's a strange feeling to put out a shit load of rhetoric online, and not know who is reading it. I am grateful to all of the regular readers, especially when there are so many options for entertainment on the tube, online and outside your front door. I am truly blessed to have the life I do. This topic was suggested by my brother (Chase) who is one of the best songwriters / lyricists I have ever heard. If you are in Dallas go see his band (Chalk Lign) or better yet his acoustic show - it's fucking awesome. This is your topic Chase, love you!
Now that's out of the way, today's topic is the fucked up welfare system in this country. On the 10 year anniversary of 9/11, it appears to me the federal government has done very little to motivate anyone who is on public assistance.
Is that really their fucking job? To motivate the lazy out of their stupor and put them at drive through windows across the country? I still can't get a Wendy's hamburger without cheese, although living in Southern California makes it tough to order anything in a drive up window without speaking a foreign language.
You liberals, settle the fuck down. I'm not beating up on ANY ethnic group. I'm stating facts, and those of you who live somewhere besides SoCal believe me when I say it's a pain in the ass. Starbucks got smart and decided to almost eliminate the drive through window completely. Maybe it's because real estate is so expensive - I'm guessing it's more about a language barrier. After all, who wants to give someone a "hot" coffee and have them pissed off? That shit fucking burns if some asshole gets sideways and tosses it on you because dude didn't get his extra pump of sugar free vanilla.
The Welfare system in Obama's budget is set to spend about 10 trillion over the next 10 years. Dude won't be president in 10 years, so those numbers are meaningless. Which candidate from either side will come into office thinking that Obama did such a great fucking job, let's just go ahead and keep things as they are? Not fucking one.
But spending a trillion dollars on anything that has no return on the investment possibilities is fucking stupid. Let me repeat that, FUCKING STUPID!
I can hear the far left liberals already whining about the hungry children, the folks who can't get a job, those who are unwilling to accept less than what they made 10 years ago. Look dummies, you can't run as fast as you could 10 years ago (unless you are under 20) so you have to work smarter instead of harder. If that thought doesn't translate into your job search, your future isn't worth a bucket of piss.
There are approximately 40 million food stamp recipients costing the taxpayers approximately 2 grand a piece each year. Some of these people need the assistance, some trade their "benefits" for drugs and other personal habits. Now far be it from me to tell anybody what to spend their cash on, but if I'm paying for it eat hot dogs and peanut butter sandwiches.
The pending legislation that is being considered will cap the amount of benefits any one person can get. In Michigan, they are getting medieval with this bullshit program and putting a 4 year maximum in play. Why? So the lazy and unmotivated won't memorize every fucking episode of Law and Order. I'm sure Michael Moore (I like his films, but think his politics are fucking stupid) will get another feature documentary about his shitty little hometown of Flint.
The human race has survived because we adapt and go where the food is. Back in the tribal days, you didn't see villages put up in the middle of the desert where there was no water and eating a scorpion was a good day - nope. People went to places where they could survive. If you can't get a fucking job where you live, move. It's really a simple concept.
If you have children and can't afford them now, quit fucking and making more of them. They say a child is raised by a village and 1,000 years ago that may have been true. In todays world, Tv and the internet seem to be the babysitters of choice - so the village has become unnecessary and computers are paramount to a kids development.
Kids are not to blame, the stupid fuckers that made them are! I see single mom's at school and hear stories of how much sacrifice they make to get an education in order to answer a phone - their choice.
This country is the greatest in the world because it guarantees the "pursuit of happiness." That statement says nothing about paying for that pursuit. If life is kicking you in the balls over and over again, move your balls (that's metaphoric) and do something different.
For those of you on public assistance, get used to the idea of not getting it. Get a fucking job, and if there are no jobs then create one for yourself.
The rest of the world expects bad shit to happen, and deal with it accordingly for the most part. America is the only country in the civilized world where we are truly surprised when bad shit happens. Well, get fucking used to it - bad has been around almost as long as good and it isn't leaving anytime soon.
For the politicians who are making these decisions, quit worrying about getting re-elected and make tough choices. You want to see chaos in this country? Keep your bullshit up. Take a lesson from Trump or Chris Christie and say "fuck off" to those who feel entitled. This means you government employees, and especially you teachers. Your union is fucked up and if you are smart enough to teach the youth of this nation, then get off of your 9 month work year fat ass and pay for some of your own benefits - just like the rest of us have to do. You ain't special, trust me on this.
Unfortunately there is no easy fix for any of these social, political, human, or financial issues. The logical thing to do is to look at what works, and do that. What has been done over the last 5 or 6 years isn't working, can you hear that? Fucking fix it!
Happy NFL day, and never forget the events of 9/11.
Now that's out of the way, today's topic is the fucked up welfare system in this country. On the 10 year anniversary of 9/11, it appears to me the federal government has done very little to motivate anyone who is on public assistance.
Is that really their fucking job? To motivate the lazy out of their stupor and put them at drive through windows across the country? I still can't get a Wendy's hamburger without cheese, although living in Southern California makes it tough to order anything in a drive up window without speaking a foreign language.
You liberals, settle the fuck down. I'm not beating up on ANY ethnic group. I'm stating facts, and those of you who live somewhere besides SoCal believe me when I say it's a pain in the ass. Starbucks got smart and decided to almost eliminate the drive through window completely. Maybe it's because real estate is so expensive - I'm guessing it's more about a language barrier. After all, who wants to give someone a "hot" coffee and have them pissed off? That shit fucking burns if some asshole gets sideways and tosses it on you because dude didn't get his extra pump of sugar free vanilla.
The Welfare system in Obama's budget is set to spend about 10 trillion over the next 10 years. Dude won't be president in 10 years, so those numbers are meaningless. Which candidate from either side will come into office thinking that Obama did such a great fucking job, let's just go ahead and keep things as they are? Not fucking one.
But spending a trillion dollars on anything that has no return on the investment possibilities is fucking stupid. Let me repeat that, FUCKING STUPID!
I can hear the far left liberals already whining about the hungry children, the folks who can't get a job, those who are unwilling to accept less than what they made 10 years ago. Look dummies, you can't run as fast as you could 10 years ago (unless you are under 20) so you have to work smarter instead of harder. If that thought doesn't translate into your job search, your future isn't worth a bucket of piss.
There are approximately 40 million food stamp recipients costing the taxpayers approximately 2 grand a piece each year. Some of these people need the assistance, some trade their "benefits" for drugs and other personal habits. Now far be it from me to tell anybody what to spend their cash on, but if I'm paying for it eat hot dogs and peanut butter sandwiches.
The pending legislation that is being considered will cap the amount of benefits any one person can get. In Michigan, they are getting medieval with this bullshit program and putting a 4 year maximum in play. Why? So the lazy and unmotivated won't memorize every fucking episode of Law and Order. I'm sure Michael Moore (I like his films, but think his politics are fucking stupid) will get another feature documentary about his shitty little hometown of Flint.
The human race has survived because we adapt and go where the food is. Back in the tribal days, you didn't see villages put up in the middle of the desert where there was no water and eating a scorpion was a good day - nope. People went to places where they could survive. If you can't get a fucking job where you live, move. It's really a simple concept.
If you have children and can't afford them now, quit fucking and making more of them. They say a child is raised by a village and 1,000 years ago that may have been true. In todays world, Tv and the internet seem to be the babysitters of choice - so the village has become unnecessary and computers are paramount to a kids development.
Kids are not to blame, the stupid fuckers that made them are! I see single mom's at school and hear stories of how much sacrifice they make to get an education in order to answer a phone - their choice.
This country is the greatest in the world because it guarantees the "pursuit of happiness." That statement says nothing about paying for that pursuit. If life is kicking you in the balls over and over again, move your balls (that's metaphoric) and do something different.
For those of you on public assistance, get used to the idea of not getting it. Get a fucking job, and if there are no jobs then create one for yourself.
The rest of the world expects bad shit to happen, and deal with it accordingly for the most part. America is the only country in the civilized world where we are truly surprised when bad shit happens. Well, get fucking used to it - bad has been around almost as long as good and it isn't leaving anytime soon.
For the politicians who are making these decisions, quit worrying about getting re-elected and make tough choices. You want to see chaos in this country? Keep your bullshit up. Take a lesson from Trump or Chris Christie and say "fuck off" to those who feel entitled. This means you government employees, and especially you teachers. Your union is fucked up and if you are smart enough to teach the youth of this nation, then get off of your 9 month work year fat ass and pay for some of your own benefits - just like the rest of us have to do. You ain't special, trust me on this.
Unfortunately there is no easy fix for any of these social, political, human, or financial issues. The logical thing to do is to look at what works, and do that. What has been done over the last 5 or 6 years isn't working, can you hear that? Fucking fix it!
Happy NFL day, and never forget the events of 9/11.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Brown Out?
Sounds like the emptying of a Mexican septic tank - and how ironic it is actually happening in Mexico as well as the US. Orange County, Arizona and yes, that little shit hole to the south of us - Mexico are all experiencing these irritating fucking times of not having power. But why fucking report it? The poor bastards sweating their asses off certainly can't see the news unless they have a generator hooked up to the old Direct TV, and it's not a given that those cats have even paid their satellite bill anyway.
What used to happen in the old days when men were men and women, well men were men? It got hot in Arizona and southern California. Did all the pets die then because of the heat? Did old people drop like buckets of shit due to an infusion of sweat? It all seems so trivial to me.
This is the lead story here in LA - probably because our air conditioners are WORKING. There are the inevitable minority women reporters on TV telling viewers to have over half a tank of fuel in your car - you know just in case. In case of what? If I need to cool down I will head to the beach and that big body of water. What's it called again? Oh yeah, the ocean.
How would you get there if there were no power? Last I checked the heel toe express ran on grub, not gasoline. You can't swing a dead cat in LA without hitting a fucking stolen bicycle chained harmlessly to a park bench - so borrow it. If the human spirit is strong enough, and the brain doesn't fuck it up with the laziness gene, then all will be fine.
This power outtage happens every year when it gets got down here and yet people are still worried about it. I can't wait for the fires to come and then the rains will wash away the homes some morons just rebuilt on the side of a fucking hill - all while crying to camera crews that they have just lost everything.
That statement alone shows how stupid these people really are. They didn't lose anything, their address just changed to one street west. All of their stupid artwork and whatnot is still inside of the modernistic cement bearing walls they call a house. I heard one lady ask what she was going to feed her kids - really? Because her power went out she couldn't figure out the formula for PBand J - and I'm supposed to feel bad for these fuckers? Uh uh!
I am proposing a new reality show. It's called America has dummies. Ozzy can sit on the board of judges because, well, he is Ozzy. Adam Corolla and the hot chick from Californication could round out the group. The goal would be to find the dumbest "family" on the planet based on their stupid decisions and personal loss. You know, "grandma died because we couldn't open her Ensure without a can opener." Anybody ever heard of twist tops?
If all these other stupid fucking shows keep turning up and maintaining audiences (Billy the exterminator, Hoarders, infants in beauty pageants blah blah blah) - then my show has merit. And besides, where else but Hollywood can you get paid for being stupid.
My bad, I forgot about corporate America and their philosophy of promoting the fucking stupid ones, or failing upwards as I like to call it. You build a house below sea level, it will flood. You build a house on a volcano, it will burn. You build your house on the polar ice caps, Al Gore says they will melt. You live on the eastern seaboard, welcome to hurricane alley.
My point is this, there is no safe place on this planet. Accept it and quit televising the fucking morons who forgot this, and that life just isn't fair. Have a nice day!!!
What used to happen in the old days when men were men and women, well men were men? It got hot in Arizona and southern California. Did all the pets die then because of the heat? Did old people drop like buckets of shit due to an infusion of sweat? It all seems so trivial to me.
This is the lead story here in LA - probably because our air conditioners are WORKING. There are the inevitable minority women reporters on TV telling viewers to have over half a tank of fuel in your car - you know just in case. In case of what? If I need to cool down I will head to the beach and that big body of water. What's it called again? Oh yeah, the ocean.
How would you get there if there were no power? Last I checked the heel toe express ran on grub, not gasoline. You can't swing a dead cat in LA without hitting a fucking stolen bicycle chained harmlessly to a park bench - so borrow it. If the human spirit is strong enough, and the brain doesn't fuck it up with the laziness gene, then all will be fine.
This power outtage happens every year when it gets got down here and yet people are still worried about it. I can't wait for the fires to come and then the rains will wash away the homes some morons just rebuilt on the side of a fucking hill - all while crying to camera crews that they have just lost everything.
That statement alone shows how stupid these people really are. They didn't lose anything, their address just changed to one street west. All of their stupid artwork and whatnot is still inside of the modernistic cement bearing walls they call a house. I heard one lady ask what she was going to feed her kids - really? Because her power went out she couldn't figure out the formula for PBand J - and I'm supposed to feel bad for these fuckers? Uh uh!
I am proposing a new reality show. It's called America has dummies. Ozzy can sit on the board of judges because, well, he is Ozzy. Adam Corolla and the hot chick from Californication could round out the group. The goal would be to find the dumbest "family" on the planet based on their stupid decisions and personal loss. You know, "grandma died because we couldn't open her Ensure without a can opener." Anybody ever heard of twist tops?
If all these other stupid fucking shows keep turning up and maintaining audiences (Billy the exterminator, Hoarders, infants in beauty pageants blah blah blah) - then my show has merit. And besides, where else but Hollywood can you get paid for being stupid.
My bad, I forgot about corporate America and their philosophy of promoting the fucking stupid ones, or failing upwards as I like to call it. You build a house below sea level, it will flood. You build a house on a volcano, it will burn. You build your house on the polar ice caps, Al Gore says they will melt. You live on the eastern seaboard, welcome to hurricane alley.
My point is this, there is no safe place on this planet. Accept it and quit televising the fucking morons who forgot this, and that life just isn't fair. Have a nice day!!!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
The wrong side of Right
Nope, not a direction as that would be left. This here is more about being right in a situation - you know fundamentally correct? And paying a steep fucking price for it. Sound ambiguous? Check this out.
So my buddy has this wife who is a beautiful woman. She is smart and this dude scored so far over his head when he hooked up with her it was almost anatomically wrong. I mean one doesn't want to piss off the gods of hookups, right?
So the story goes my buddy was drinking a cocktail or two in the evening. Now the cat doesn't have a real job and his wife has supported him for the last 3 or 4 months. He would wait until his wife got home, but sometimes she had shit to do after work so he would begin at 6 or 6:30. After all, she would come home most nights and drink 3 or 4 beers. No big deal right?
WRONG!!!
The argument wasn't do as I do, it was do as I say. This cat doesn't do well with orders and ultimatums - in fact I've seen him blow up on women in his past when they tried to lay down the law. He is one of the only people I know who has the gift (or curse) of saying shit that brings people to tears. He can find a weakness and exploit the shit out of it, with everyone except his wife.
He is scared of her. Not like in a physical way, although she has a mean streak in her. No, more in the "I love you so much I don't want to lose you way."
But wait, isn't this a double standard over here? Fuck yes it is but that's not important. Isn't this a little unfair? Shit yes it is, but that doesn't fucking matter.
What matters is the woman is always right. Some of you hard ass fundamentalists will disagree when your wife isn't around, but we all know women run this big fucking rock. In fact I heard in class the other day that some chick wrote a thesis on how men could feasibly be eradicated from the planet so long as they jerked off in a cup just before death.
This is biologically not feasible because the genetic puddle would get so shallow the entire world would look like rural Alabama - no offense Alabama.
If you want to have longevity in your relationship with your wife or girlfriend, she has to be right. Most if not all of the time. Get used to it because if you don't you will be alone - and now you cannot say you haven't been told.
So my buddy has this wife who is a beautiful woman. She is smart and this dude scored so far over his head when he hooked up with her it was almost anatomically wrong. I mean one doesn't want to piss off the gods of hookups, right?
So the story goes my buddy was drinking a cocktail or two in the evening. Now the cat doesn't have a real job and his wife has supported him for the last 3 or 4 months. He would wait until his wife got home, but sometimes she had shit to do after work so he would begin at 6 or 6:30. After all, she would come home most nights and drink 3 or 4 beers. No big deal right?
WRONG!!!
The argument wasn't do as I do, it was do as I say. This cat doesn't do well with orders and ultimatums - in fact I've seen him blow up on women in his past when they tried to lay down the law. He is one of the only people I know who has the gift (or curse) of saying shit that brings people to tears. He can find a weakness and exploit the shit out of it, with everyone except his wife.
He is scared of her. Not like in a physical way, although she has a mean streak in her. No, more in the "I love you so much I don't want to lose you way."
But wait, isn't this a double standard over here? Fuck yes it is but that's not important. Isn't this a little unfair? Shit yes it is, but that doesn't fucking matter.
What matters is the woman is always right. Some of you hard ass fundamentalists will disagree when your wife isn't around, but we all know women run this big fucking rock. In fact I heard in class the other day that some chick wrote a thesis on how men could feasibly be eradicated from the planet so long as they jerked off in a cup just before death.
This is biologically not feasible because the genetic puddle would get so shallow the entire world would look like rural Alabama - no offense Alabama.
If you want to have longevity in your relationship with your wife or girlfriend, she has to be right. Most if not all of the time. Get used to it because if you don't you will be alone - and now you cannot say you haven't been told.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
The Campa Saga
My buddy Casey is a tattoo artist, and a fucking good one at that. His work is all over Facebook (Casey Campa) and he just finished doing two tattoos on his sister and her son in memory of their dead Aunt who killed herself yesterday. She left behind two young boys.
The upside, if there is one, is Casey is getting some work as doing ink seems to be feast or famine. His wife, or now ex-wife (they still live together) Bridget also wants to memorialize the passing of this woman with a tattoo on herself - done by Casey.
I was on the phone with Casey today when he was telling me the news about the suicide, along with another friend of ours we grew up with who had shot himself under the chin 13 months ago and lived - albeit without half of his face. It's a fucking tragedy in both cases.
After the initial shock of it all, I got to wondering if Casey can charge his live together ex-wife for her tattoo. There are arguments on either side:
On the one hand they have to co-habitate, dealing with each other on a daily basis and sharing the bills because the economy is so horrible. Casey makes ok money doing tattoo work but not if he does them for free - unless it is his ex-wife. Charging her would be a lesson in futility primarily because the money would go from her hand to his hand to her hand and back in the bank.
Essentially it would probably cost Casey money to charge Bridget for her work in fuel and ATM fees, then the fuel and time to turn around and take it back to the bank.
Granted it is a strange situation but a real one. If he does the work for free the aforementioned costs are avoided and all is as well as it can be at the Campa house. However, Bridget could come to expect that Casey do all of her work for free in perpetuity and therefore he is proper fucked when it comes to her, and her skin.
As far as I know neither one has anyone else in their lives and they both still live under the same roof, although I assume they sleep in separate beds. I know what you are thinking because I am thinking it too - Why be divorced if you are still best friends? Been divorced yet neither has done anything about moving on? I'm sensing some unresolved issues.
The deal they have going is of the worst kind - all the bullshit with none of the benefits. So here is what I propose, not that it makes shit difference to either one of them but it is a potential solution.
Casey will do the tattoo work and take it out in sexual favors when the mood hits him - his time, place and way. I know in Utah it's a sin to screw outside of marriage but I'm pretty sure most of us have fractured that law more than a few times. Oral is a different story altogether, and one that must be negotiated carefully, cautiously - not to be entered into lightly or with doubts. A bad oral experience can ruin a relationship, or so I have heard (that was funny).
The lesson here is be kind to those you love and even kinder to those you don't. People disappoint one another, that is the nature of shit. Bad things happen and people die - it's a part of the process we call life. We cannot change the inevitable ending we will all ultimately face - we can change what we do with the time we have together and not allow what in reality is not a huge deal to change our paths.
The upside, if there is one, is Casey is getting some work as doing ink seems to be feast or famine. His wife, or now ex-wife (they still live together) Bridget also wants to memorialize the passing of this woman with a tattoo on herself - done by Casey.
I was on the phone with Casey today when he was telling me the news about the suicide, along with another friend of ours we grew up with who had shot himself under the chin 13 months ago and lived - albeit without half of his face. It's a fucking tragedy in both cases.
After the initial shock of it all, I got to wondering if Casey can charge his live together ex-wife for her tattoo. There are arguments on either side:
On the one hand they have to co-habitate, dealing with each other on a daily basis and sharing the bills because the economy is so horrible. Casey makes ok money doing tattoo work but not if he does them for free - unless it is his ex-wife. Charging her would be a lesson in futility primarily because the money would go from her hand to his hand to her hand and back in the bank.
Essentially it would probably cost Casey money to charge Bridget for her work in fuel and ATM fees, then the fuel and time to turn around and take it back to the bank.
Granted it is a strange situation but a real one. If he does the work for free the aforementioned costs are avoided and all is as well as it can be at the Campa house. However, Bridget could come to expect that Casey do all of her work for free in perpetuity and therefore he is proper fucked when it comes to her, and her skin.
As far as I know neither one has anyone else in their lives and they both still live under the same roof, although I assume they sleep in separate beds. I know what you are thinking because I am thinking it too - Why be divorced if you are still best friends? Been divorced yet neither has done anything about moving on? I'm sensing some unresolved issues.
The deal they have going is of the worst kind - all the bullshit with none of the benefits. So here is what I propose, not that it makes shit difference to either one of them but it is a potential solution.
Casey will do the tattoo work and take it out in sexual favors when the mood hits him - his time, place and way. I know in Utah it's a sin to screw outside of marriage but I'm pretty sure most of us have fractured that law more than a few times. Oral is a different story altogether, and one that must be negotiated carefully, cautiously - not to be entered into lightly or with doubts. A bad oral experience can ruin a relationship, or so I have heard (that was funny).
The lesson here is be kind to those you love and even kinder to those you don't. People disappoint one another, that is the nature of shit. Bad things happen and people die - it's a part of the process we call life. We cannot change the inevitable ending we will all ultimately face - we can change what we do with the time we have together and not allow what in reality is not a huge deal to change our paths.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Special Uncle
We all have one. You know that one relative that shows up at every family reunion or party wasted and doing the back stroke in the punch bowl? An inevitable embarrassment to the sane and politically correct, docker wearing, hybrid SUV driving epitome of normalcy rest of the family - this person makes everyone else feel so superior and together. For the most part, I'm guessing they are correct.
When the embarrassing family member is the uncle of the most powerful man on the planet, it is even worse. Reason being a typical DUI picked up by uncle Fester is no big deal unless the family lives in rural America, in which case everybody knows everybody and the case would probably be headline, front page news.
In the case of Obama's uncle, this cat played his one fucking card all wrong.
The story goes Obama's Uncle Onyango was shit faced and driving recklessly in front of a local police official - allegedly forcing the cop and one other motorist to slam on their brakes. This predicates Uncle O to get pulled over and play the "I don't speak english very well" game. He spoke over the officer while a field sobriety test was being administered, tried to outthink and outwit the cop - and the dude is here in this country illegally (allegedly).
Uncle O shares the Obama name and the cop, who must not be all that bright either, didn't even bother to ask this cat about the possibility of a familial tie. I know, it shouldn't matter but I fucking guarantee you it will.
After failing no less than three sobriety tests Uncle O was taken into custody and jailed. Now anybody with half a brain in their head knows once you are inside that cell it takes work and more importantly, CASH to get out. Dude was given an alcohol breath test where he blew a .14. Well done dude! Not bad for a guy who initially told the cops he hadn't had anything to drink - then admitted to one beer - then admitted to two. He obviously had more than two because numbers don't lie.
However, this cat had all the chances in the world to get any of several government agencies involved in his fuckup long before he even blew into that magic machine, and didn't. It wasn't until he was booked and offered his phone call before he let loose with, "I need to call the White House".
Really? That's when you play that card? This guy is probably not the sharpest tool in the shed but if your nephew is the President, I play that shit right off the bat and get the feds involved immediately before officer Ready gets his accolades for busting another third world shitbag who happens to have familial ties to the first family.
If uncle O had done it right I'm thinking the "men in black" would have come to save his sorry ass in their convoy of black SUV's that seemingly come out of nowhere. They would have used their little memory erasers on the locals who wouldn't know the difference between an ink pen and a shovel and nobody would have been the wiser.
Now Uncle O is going to probably get a cabinet appointment as Secretary of Shitheads, and the rest of us will have to suffer looking at this ugly cat for the next 18 months while his nephew continues fucking up the world.
Nice going Uncle O - you just made your nephew look smart!
When the embarrassing family member is the uncle of the most powerful man on the planet, it is even worse. Reason being a typical DUI picked up by uncle Fester is no big deal unless the family lives in rural America, in which case everybody knows everybody and the case would probably be headline, front page news.
In the case of Obama's uncle, this cat played his one fucking card all wrong.
The story goes Obama's Uncle Onyango was shit faced and driving recklessly in front of a local police official - allegedly forcing the cop and one other motorist to slam on their brakes. This predicates Uncle O to get pulled over and play the "I don't speak english very well" game. He spoke over the officer while a field sobriety test was being administered, tried to outthink and outwit the cop - and the dude is here in this country illegally (allegedly).
Uncle O shares the Obama name and the cop, who must not be all that bright either, didn't even bother to ask this cat about the possibility of a familial tie. I know, it shouldn't matter but I fucking guarantee you it will.
After failing no less than three sobriety tests Uncle O was taken into custody and jailed. Now anybody with half a brain in their head knows once you are inside that cell it takes work and more importantly, CASH to get out. Dude was given an alcohol breath test where he blew a .14. Well done dude! Not bad for a guy who initially told the cops he hadn't had anything to drink - then admitted to one beer - then admitted to two. He obviously had more than two because numbers don't lie.
However, this cat had all the chances in the world to get any of several government agencies involved in his fuckup long before he even blew into that magic machine, and didn't. It wasn't until he was booked and offered his phone call before he let loose with, "I need to call the White House".
Really? That's when you play that card? This guy is probably not the sharpest tool in the shed but if your nephew is the President, I play that shit right off the bat and get the feds involved immediately before officer Ready gets his accolades for busting another third world shitbag who happens to have familial ties to the first family.
If uncle O had done it right I'm thinking the "men in black" would have come to save his sorry ass in their convoy of black SUV's that seemingly come out of nowhere. They would have used their little memory erasers on the locals who wouldn't know the difference between an ink pen and a shovel and nobody would have been the wiser.
Now Uncle O is going to probably get a cabinet appointment as Secretary of Shitheads, and the rest of us will have to suffer looking at this ugly cat for the next 18 months while his nephew continues fucking up the world.
Nice going Uncle O - you just made your nephew look smart!
Monday, August 29, 2011
iDumb
So I began the process of further matriculation today and was waiting outside of the locked classroom door at 7am this morning, for a class that was scheduled to begin at 7:30am. Being the first day of classes there were people scurrying about all over the fucking place and nobody knows where anything is.
The first day at college is fucking chaotic to say the least. Financial aid, books, Id's, adding / dropping classes - it's a shitty proposition at best. Parking is also a joke, but I'm saving that one for another day.
4 of us are sitting outside the classroom door, not saying anything, waiting for someone to show up and let us in. Meanwhile the other classrooms are filling up with students, lots of students. About 15 minutes roll by before I felt something had to be wrong, and asked the other 3 guys standing there if they were waiting for the same class.
So I get on my phone and call campus information and they verified that yes I was enrolled and that the class had not been moved (as far as she knew). The woman asked me to look for a note on the doors (which there wasn't any) and then said she didn't fucking know. Perfect!
So she puts me on hold and goes to ask someone else why there is no lights, no unlocked door and most importantly no professor. Why is there only 4 of us there when this class holds 40. This prompts me to ask the others to get out their schedules which we had all printed from registration online, and compare.
Yup, same class number, same instructor, same books etc. Then it hits me, we are the dumbest ten percent in the class. Why? Because the fucking class doesn't start until the 19th - of September.
All I can hope for is my professor doesn't read my blog and realize how stupid I was on this day. Cheers!
The first day at college is fucking chaotic to say the least. Financial aid, books, Id's, adding / dropping classes - it's a shitty proposition at best. Parking is also a joke, but I'm saving that one for another day.
4 of us are sitting outside the classroom door, not saying anything, waiting for someone to show up and let us in. Meanwhile the other classrooms are filling up with students, lots of students. About 15 minutes roll by before I felt something had to be wrong, and asked the other 3 guys standing there if they were waiting for the same class.
So I get on my phone and call campus information and they verified that yes I was enrolled and that the class had not been moved (as far as she knew). The woman asked me to look for a note on the doors (which there wasn't any) and then said she didn't fucking know. Perfect!
So she puts me on hold and goes to ask someone else why there is no lights, no unlocked door and most importantly no professor. Why is there only 4 of us there when this class holds 40. This prompts me to ask the others to get out their schedules which we had all printed from registration online, and compare.
Yup, same class number, same instructor, same books etc. Then it hits me, we are the dumbest ten percent in the class. Why? Because the fucking class doesn't start until the 19th - of September.
All I can hope for is my professor doesn't read my blog and realize how stupid I was on this day. Cheers!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Drug Dealers vs. Government
It's a sad state of fucking affairs when the drug trade is the LAST true example of capitalism - true capitalism. The business as I understand it runs on supply and demand. Even some of the state governments are trying to get in on the action by legalizing marijuana - at a price.
A "patient" is the legal dope smoker term here in California, and said patient must go to a "doctor" who can prescribe a card allowing the patient to buy from a "dispensary" - which by the way are allowed in some cities and not others.
This was done for the obvious reason that the government hates competition. If some cat growing some kind is knocking back a few pounds every three or four months he can make pretty good money - so long as there is no taxes. So he sells only at street level or to his buddies willing to pay $350 / ounce.
I'm sure Maxine Waters hits the bong regularly, and even her stupid ass can do the math on them there taxes. Instant legalization. At least half the states have realized the inevitability of pot use - if you can't beat em tax em. So that is exactly what they did. And it fucking works, well!
The other "harder" drugs like heroin and speed are being handled at the federal level. The pharmaceutical companies figured out about 15 years ago they could create synthetic heroin in a pill form called Oxycontin, that was easy to use in a variety of forms - swallow them, remove the "time release" coating and crush em up to either snort or inject them, or my personal favorite which I recently learned on Intervention (the show) was smoking them on tin foil. How the fuck do you smoke a pill on tin foil?
Because most drugs which are dolled out by doctors are both dangerous and addictive, they have been prescribing them with relative impunity for years. Hell, there was a doctor I knew about that worked emergency in Utah who had junkies waiting in the parking lot for him to come on shift because they knew he was good for anything they wanted.
When the hospital caught wind of it, and with the medical and ethical issues involved, the doctor went just up the road (literally) and opened up a pain management clinic. Last I heard he was 3 months out for new patients - which is to say the dude is fucking rolling in it.
The pharmaceutical companies can't put three piece suits on street corners with Glocks, so they took the high road and made it legal, and lucrative. I'm guessing heroin dealers will be obsolete in the next 20 years, which isn't saying the problem will go away. It just means that it will become taxable. That's why the FDA doesn't give a shit if these new high powered wanna be heroin drugs hit the market.
There are a ton of people who are addicted to these, and here is the golden parachute for oxycontin and all other opiates like them - methadone. It's supposed to wean addicts off of opiates, but as usual the cure is worse than the disease.
Any way you look at it the pharmaceutical companies are taking in billions, and paying off those in power on the one side, while the same folks who are getting paid off are crying about what an addicted nation we have become. Something must be done, so long as I keep getting paid.
The US government isn't the biggest threat to the middle east heroin trade, Bristol Myers Squib and other pharmaceutical giants are. Wait and see, smack is on the way out.
It's all about dollars, plain and simple. So long as the street dealers are doing their thing then capitalism will still exist. After all, addiction is recession proof.
Have a great weekend, and Maxine Waters........Fuck off please?
A "patient" is the legal dope smoker term here in California, and said patient must go to a "doctor" who can prescribe a card allowing the patient to buy from a "dispensary" - which by the way are allowed in some cities and not others.
This was done for the obvious reason that the government hates competition. If some cat growing some kind is knocking back a few pounds every three or four months he can make pretty good money - so long as there is no taxes. So he sells only at street level or to his buddies willing to pay $350 / ounce.
I'm sure Maxine Waters hits the bong regularly, and even her stupid ass can do the math on them there taxes. Instant legalization. At least half the states have realized the inevitability of pot use - if you can't beat em tax em. So that is exactly what they did. And it fucking works, well!
The other "harder" drugs like heroin and speed are being handled at the federal level. The pharmaceutical companies figured out about 15 years ago they could create synthetic heroin in a pill form called Oxycontin, that was easy to use in a variety of forms - swallow them, remove the "time release" coating and crush em up to either snort or inject them, or my personal favorite which I recently learned on Intervention (the show) was smoking them on tin foil. How the fuck do you smoke a pill on tin foil?
Because most drugs which are dolled out by doctors are both dangerous and addictive, they have been prescribing them with relative impunity for years. Hell, there was a doctor I knew about that worked emergency in Utah who had junkies waiting in the parking lot for him to come on shift because they knew he was good for anything they wanted.
When the hospital caught wind of it, and with the medical and ethical issues involved, the doctor went just up the road (literally) and opened up a pain management clinic. Last I heard he was 3 months out for new patients - which is to say the dude is fucking rolling in it.
The pharmaceutical companies can't put three piece suits on street corners with Glocks, so they took the high road and made it legal, and lucrative. I'm guessing heroin dealers will be obsolete in the next 20 years, which isn't saying the problem will go away. It just means that it will become taxable. That's why the FDA doesn't give a shit if these new high powered wanna be heroin drugs hit the market.
There are a ton of people who are addicted to these, and here is the golden parachute for oxycontin and all other opiates like them - methadone. It's supposed to wean addicts off of opiates, but as usual the cure is worse than the disease.
Any way you look at it the pharmaceutical companies are taking in billions, and paying off those in power on the one side, while the same folks who are getting paid off are crying about what an addicted nation we have become. Something must be done, so long as I keep getting paid.
The US government isn't the biggest threat to the middle east heroin trade, Bristol Myers Squib and other pharmaceutical giants are. Wait and see, smack is on the way out.
It's all about dollars, plain and simple. So long as the street dealers are doing their thing then capitalism will still exist. After all, addiction is recession proof.
Have a great weekend, and Maxine Waters........Fuck off please?
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