Mensa Hikers Club

The two remaining "incarcerated" hikers from the US have been released from an Iranian prison - alleged to have been spying on Iran for the United States. These cats have been locked up for two years for again "accidentally" stepping over the Iranian border while recreationally hiking. What, their car couldn't make it to Colorado?

There was a third person captured with them, a woman, who was released some time ago. This whole fucking incident is bullshit - three letters will define this scenario: GPS.

First off, if these dudes weren't CIA or some other government acronym, and they just pulled a monumental fucking stupid, then they don't belong on a guided bus tour of Yellowstone.

They were tried and sentenced to 8 years in prison. The Iranian president who has a name I don't care to spell (ajad) is here in the US right now. Coincidence? I don't fucking think so. Ajad knew there was a grassy knoll with his name on it if he kept fucking with Hillary and the State Department. Obama cannot be bothered with this sort of shit.

I can hear the ultra conservatives from here - the US doesn't assassinate world leaders, you know people of influence? Riiiiiiight. That Bin Laden thing was a fucking plot to bolster the economy, or whatever. Ajad knew his days were numbered if he left his sandbox with these stupid assholes locked up, so dude put a price on their heads - $500K each. Let's see, 00000 carry the one - a million dollars "bail" after a sentence has been rendered? That's not bail, it's called a R-A-N-S-O-M because as sure as I'm fucking sitting here these cats will never show back up to court in Iran. Nope, these two are destined to be banished to Assfuck, Ohio - population 3 after they arrive. They are an embarrassment to all of us.

However, these are not smart men so anything is possible but I'm going to go ahead and say they won't be leaving the country anytime soon. If their job was to "spy" on the Iranians and gather intelligence,  they suck at it. If they are just stupid hikers, that is like being a pedophile in general population - they aren't long for this world. It's not like they cut off an arm with a pocketknife.....

The "bail" was posted by an anonymous source. Really? Another one of them 3 letter government organizations had to write a check. Get ready for stamps to get more expensive.

The worst part of this scenario is there will inevitably be the talk shows, Larry King and (I cringe to say this) the view. Whoopi Goldberg may very well be the ugliest black thing on television, and the blonde wimpy chick cries all the time. I've seen her husband on ESPN - she gets a pass on that.

Then the made for TV movie, and ultimately the book complete with a tour. Yeah, I want to read about how stupid these fuckers were and have them sign it for me - I want to get captured by a Sleestak too.

If shit goes really well the Oprah channel will send some other stupid fucks, albeit with cameras, over to some other shit hole third world cat box and a new reality show is born. If all goes well perhaps they will issue a coin - how fucked up is that?

Suppose these two were in the mob? They would be asked to do the honorable thing and commit suicide - in a bathtub - by slitting their wrists - lengthwise. Do we need to bring your older brothers to the congressional hearings?

If the US wants to spy on Iran, keep postage prices where they are and use satellites, drones and those with triple digit IQ's like every other world superpower does. Why punish the entire country for the indiscretions of two directionally challenged morons? Oh yeah, Whoopi Goldberg, feel free to fuck right off.