Monday, October 17, 2011

Almost worth the fucking ticket!

That's right fuckers - I'm back, at least for the day. No homework so I can drop some worthless logic and wisdom - or regale you with my personal run-ins with the Glendale police department. I have met up with those cock suckers twice in the past 4 days. Lucky me.

So last Thursday I am running late for my 7:30am math class. This is the one class I have that attendance counts - and is taken - and counts against you if you are absent or tardy. How exactly, I don't know.

7:30am comes early and last Thursday I was running late. Like 2 minutes late - and that includes the 10 minute walk I usually make to get to class. So, in the interest of time I decided to park closer in the pay lot 1/3 mile closer than the lot I usually patronize.

I turn into the lot (making a left hand turn from an actual turn lane) and a motorcycle cop points me to a spot in the lot where he proceeded to write me a ticket. For what? I asked as dude checks my license and insurance. "Didn't you see the sign"? What fucking sign, I asked? "The sign that says you can't make a left hand turn between 6 and 9 am"? Nope!

Now I have been working on shutting the fuck up, especially when my mouth running is only going to exacerbate my situation - but this fucker had his little ticket book out already and he can't arrest me for questioning his intelligence.

Me:You are seriously going to write me up?

Cop 1: Yup.

Me: Does that sign make any fucking sense to you, or was it made by the Ambiguity Shithead Scenario Group - or ASS Group"?

Then, officer SAT's asks me, "what is that supposed to mean"?

Me: I have to explain ambiguity to you?

Cop 1: No......

Me: Then what does it mean, huh?

About this point officer Mcstupid's partner walked over. He must have heard the conversation I was having with his buddy.

Cop 2: Go ahead, tell him what it means.

Cop 1: It doesn't matter what it means. There is a sign that says no left hand or u-turns between the hours  of 6 and 9 am Monday through Friday.

Me: So you don't know what it means?

Cop1: It means you are getting a ticket.

Me: Isn't this actually just a summons?

Cop 2 is laughing by now. Cop 1 is just pissed off.

Cop1: I need your signature.

Me: For what?

Cop: To show that I gave you the SUMMONS.

Me: I don't want the ticket though.

Cop2: We can take you in to the jail to get your signature.

Both of these cops were on motorcycles, with their stupid looking "hip wader" boots on.

Me: What, you going to make me ride on the back of your scooter?

The first cop was completely pissed off by now, and I knew it. He stared at me while getting on his radio and requesting backup.

Me: Fine, where do I sign?

Cop 1: It's not an admission of guilt, just a promise to show up.

Me: You know my address has changed right?

Cop 1: It's not on your license. How long has it been since you moved?

Me: A year or so.

Dude starts to smile. I knew what he was trying to do. In California it is against the law to not change your address within 30 days of moving. He breaks out another ticket for me and begins to fill it out.

Cop 1: What is your current address?

Me: (I tell him)

He proceeds to fill out the ticket for failure to change my address and hands it to me to sign.

Me: I'm not signing that.

Cop 1: Do you want to go to jail?

Me: Nope.

Cop 1: Then sign the citation.

Me: Nope.

Cop 2: Why would you agree to sign the first ticket, er, summons, and not this one?

Me: I changed my fucking address already.

Cop 1: You are still getting this citation.

Me: Really?

I walked over to my car and dug out my DMV paperwork. I found my address change receipt, and brought it out to show it to dummy. I handed it to him. Cop 2 was laughing his ass off by now and I felt vindicated.

Me: You still want me to sign that? (pointing at his neato ticket book)

Cop 1 walks off ripping up the ticket he wrote for me. I may have received a ticket, but making a cop feel stupid was almost worth it. If you know you are getting a ticket anyway, give a little back.

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