Puking on the Queen - Part 2

So Jayme is bent over the railing puking, her boyfriend is trying to keep her hair out of the mess all the while heavy pieces of chunky vomit are playing their sick medley on the metal roof below.

The other 4 members of the party showed up to help in whatever way they could, and it was decided that Jayme and her boyfriend would go back to the room Jayme had shared with her girlfriend the night before. The boyfriend had never been there.

The Boyfriend and Jayme set out to find the room. Now, unless you have been to the Queen Mary it is difficult to explain the enormity of this ship. It is a cross between the hotel in the movie The Shining, The Love Boat and a haunted stadium.

All the boyfriend knew was the room number, and there are a shitload of rooms, with corridors at least 150 yards long. There are stairways that twist and turn you around so your sense of direction is for shit.

After 1o minutes or so of trying unsuccessfully to find the right floor, much less the room the Boyfriend stopped to ask directions from one of what seemed to be several front desks. Jayme is still of the mind of a child and everything is hilarious - including the fact that she can't remember how to get back to the room.

Now anyone who has children knows how unsettling it is to deal with an unruly child. The boyfriend, while asking directions to the room was having to try and cover for Jayme. It went something like this:

Boyfriend: (to a clerk) How do I get to room 262?

Clerk: Is she alright?

Jayme: I'm not a she. I mean I am a she but.....(and the laughter overcame her and she couldn't complete her sentence)

Boyfriend: She is having a reaction to some medication.

Clerk: Does she need a doctor?

Jayme: I don't like doctors.

Boyfriend: I just need directions.

Jayme: You said de-erections. (laughing uncontrollably)

Clerk: Alright. Go down those stairs (pointing to a set of stairs that went down 6 or 8 steps and then went off in opposite directions another 8 or so steps) and then go down them again.

Jayme: Go down the stairs again? Why do we have to go down them twice?

Clerk: No, I mean there will be another set of stairs.

The boyfriend walks down the first flight of stairs and sees what the clerk is trying to say. He then returns to the desk in time to keep Jayme from heading for the candy bowl on the counter.

Boyfriend: Jayme, no more candy.

Jayme: I'm soooooooooooo hungry.

Clerk: Once you are at the bottom of the second set of stairs, head left, then left again and walk down the corridor.

Boyfriend: The room is on that corridor.

Clerk: Yes.

With that Jayme and her boyfriend made their way down the two sets of stairs and through what seemed like a maze of corridors. The signs that show where rooms are, are few and way far between. After several minutes of looking for the room (they were on the right deck) the boyfriend asks one of the housekeeping employees of the ship for help.

Boyfriend: Can you tell me how to get to room 262?

Housekeeper: Spanish.....

Now, the boyfriend can't speak Spanish, and Jayme, even when she isn't blasted out of her mind can only understand very little. So the boyfriend goes into sign language mode holding up first 2 fingers, then 6 fingers, then two fingers.

Housekeeper: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Boyfriend: (talking slowly) How do I get to this room?

Housekeeper: Straight Spanish again. This time faster and a little irritated.

The Boyfriend has to revert to using his fingers to count in Spanish to each number in his head and then says the number. For example, in his head he thinks uno and then says dos. This goes on until the numbers 262 are spoken in Spanish.

The Housekeeper then, with a pissed off look on her face points down a corridor which has to be a quarter of a mile long. So Jayme and her boyfriend begin to meander down the corridor, looking at the signs spread about 100 yards apart.

Jayme: Are we going to the room? I have to pee.

Boyfriend: Yeah, we are getting there.

The occasional patrons of the hotel pass by occasionally and the corridors are very narrow. The boyfriend has to pull Jayme over to the side to allow them to pass. Just before finding the room, there was a couple who were walking toward Jayme and her boyfriend, when Jayme again announced she had to pee, but this time it was more serious and loud.

Jayme: I have to pee goddamnit.

Boyfriend: I know. We are almost there . (smiles at the couple who walk by in single file)

The couple hurries along to get by. 

They finally find the room and after searching Jayme's jeans find the card key and Jayme goes into the bathroom.

When she emerges, she sees THE pillow, and shit gets worse.

Sorry, but the last chapter will have to come tomorrow. There is some video of what happens next if Jayme will agree to allow it to be shown.

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