My stepsons 21st birthday was held last night at a wannabe Japanese restaurant. We had a great time - how do I know? The bill was 633 bucks, before parking. Nonetheless the kids and parents all got shitfaced and returned home safe.
Now, anyone who knows me knows I have a soft spot for homeless people, especially the sort that ask for nothing and are grateful to be given cash without soliciting it. I was outside with some of the kids as they were smoking on the sidewalk (Lankershim Blvd). The air was cool and it was nice to get a break from the recycled 60s music the place plays incessantly.
One of the kids had run out of smokes, so I took his empty pack to discard it in a proper receptacle. Then, out of no where this homeless (I'm assuming) bitch comes by and asks for a cigarette. Here is how it went.
Homeless: Got a smoke? (she was shitty about it from the get go)
Me: Nope (as I showed her the empty pack)
Homeless: I said I wanna buy a smoke (screaming at this point)
Me: Sorry, I got nothing for you but cellophane and cardboard.
Homeless: You are going to hell (still screaming)
Me: Yeah? You know Satan?
Homeless: Fucking right I do.
Me: You suck him off?
Homeless: Sometimes.
Me: He say you are any good?
Homeless: You are evil, you are going to burn in hell.
Me: As opposed to you sucking off the devil?
I am totally entertained fucking with crazy people. It's all about cause and effect for me, and I rarely pass up the opportunity to take full advantage of it.
Homeless: Fuck you you fucking asshole.
Me: You suck the devil off with that mouth?
So Homeless lady starts to walk away, only to turn around and come back and again, get right up in my face. Now I'm 6'1 and 200 lbs. I run 3 or 4 miles a day - I'm not scared of this crazy bitch. Then, something happened I didn't expect. She cocks (no pun intended) her arm back and takes a swing at me barely grazing my forehead.
Me: Is that all you got? No wonder you suck cock in hell.
Homeless: Fuck off you fucking fuck!
Homeless then walked off screaming at the world that I was going to hell - all for not having a smoke for her. However, this week has been awesome because all of the past three days blogs are true stories.
There is however one side note, the woman was spotted walking aimlessly up and down the street after this incident took place. So when my wife dropped her sons birthday cake on the sidewalk on our way out to the car, I made sure if this homeless bitch was going to try to snack on it I was going to kill that idea - so I stomped on the cake, on the sidewalk, so there was nothing left for anything other than pigeons. Take that you fucking skank!
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