So some friends and I are headed to Malibu to hang on the beach and cath some sun. You know, the usual holiday bullshit. Because my birthday is the 4th, my friends and family were in town. We leave from Burbank somewhere around 3 and none of us have eaten yet (hangovers will do that to you) and I was wanting a fish sandwich from the golden arches. Not the fries, just the sandwich and the best Coke mix on the planet.
So because the drivethrough looked like the line at the DMV, I went inside and ordered my grub. Everyone else decided to stick to their healthy ways, but fuck it's my birthday and had been at least 6 months since I had patronized their establishment. So I wait, and I wait and finally the non speaking employee motions toward me to come and pick up my order. I already had filled my soda so I was good to go.
I get to the car, and there are 5 or 6 in our group, all who have gone to different establishments to pee, get food or just be the usual pain in the ass when you have that many people together.
Being hungry I open the sack and to my surprise there is a Big Mac staring me in the face, and fries. I tell my buddy Steph this is NOT my order and he says "let me see it". Now Steph is anti fat, grease, fast food and generally a health nut. So dude proceeds to break open the Mac container and go to work on the sandwich. 3 bites in the fucker is half gone, and I'm telling him I have to take it back in to get my original order. Hee is laughing his ass off so hard he had special sauce running down his face. Meanwhile the other folks in our group are mowing down the fries.
Fucking great - how do I explain to a Spanish speaking clerk that I mistook most of a Big Mac for a Fish sandwich?
Steph says, "dude, they have to throw it away anyways, no problem". So Steph wipes the excess sauce dripping down his face with the bun and returns what may have been a third of the sandwich. I picked up the fries from the parking lot and made some of the folks holding them in their hnds give them back. There was no way I was causing a scene with a non English speaking clerk.
So back in I go and immediately the clerk motions over to me with a sack in her hand. In broken English she apologizes and hands me my sack while taking the original sack with the partially eaten burger in it, molested french fries and sauce from Steph's face down the face of the bun and hands it to some poor bastard who without checking his order runs out the door. I was laughing so hard I almost pissed myself.
Nonetheless I checked my fish sandwich and it was perfect.
What I would pay to know is how pissed off the other cat was who ran out of the store, in a tie no less, and got back to work to find out his lunch was totaled? Or better yet, he shows up at his girls place and she blames h. is ass for eating her food. He has to take it back or eat the five bucks it cost him, and his pride if anybody else knew, just to save face. Besides that, how do you explain that your order, which was originally correct, was half eaten and essentially ruined - in fucking Spanish?
It was like an early birthday present for the rest of us, and a lesson for all:
THEY FUCK YOU IN THE LOBBY!
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