We are being inundated with coverage of the flooding in the midwest. River water levels not seen in some places in 70 plus years, in others - ever.
However, and I'm not being shitty when I say this, we all have our own natural disasters to deal with. Insurance paperwork has termed these calamities as "Acts of God" - like weather concerns The Creator?
What surprises me is the number of folks who are seriously surprised when what is deemed a Natural Disaster occurs - especially in a geographical region indigenous to such activities, ie. flooding proximal to the Mississippi River.
So, to assist those prone to losing their minds when Natural Disaster's occur here is a list of shit storms to expect (or at least not be surprised by) listed geographically.
Pacific Northwest - This area of the country is prone to volcanic eruptions, minor flooding and forest fires.
California - Earthquakes are prevalent here, to the tune of about 10 per day. Most are minor at best, but occasionally the big one hits. ALSO, fires are popular in the southern portion of the state. When this occurs, the vegetation which binds the hillsides together burns away leading to mudslides. FOX 11 news has awesome coverage of the biggest snivelers after each storm.
Southwest - Drought, illegal immigration and UFO sightings.
Rockies - Flooding is the most frequent disaster on the west side of the Rocky Mountains, along with locust hordes. I expect the Salt Lake area to flood this year similar to the event in 1984. Not hoping, just expecting.
Rockies to the midwest - Tornadoes happen here, a lot. There are so many in fact that TV shows are made by the Discovery Channel about dudes who chase these things around.
Eastern Seaboard - Southeast Gulf Coast - Yup, hurricanes happen here. Cool thing about these pissed off tropical storms is there is always a warning.
This list is not exclusive, as earlier this year we got the leftovers from the tsunami / earthquake in Japan. What I am trying to say is if any indigenous to your part of the world occurs, and you get your mug on TV as a result - act like you have been there before. Come off surprised, shocked or betrayed and you just look stupid to the rest of us.
"We built our house here 15 years ago and now with the rains it is sliding down the hill" - weak sauce. Instead, perhaps try this, "My house is the bowling ball and my asshole neighbors are the pins, yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh" that makes you come off as educated, grounded and free spirited.
Natural disasters happen, it is a reality of the world we live in. Don't be surprised when they do , but most of all concern yourself (at least in public) with the shit you can control. Don't whine, cry, bitch, snivel or whimper about shit you knew could and probably would happen. If you didn't know they could occur, well then you are stupid and you probably won't understand what I'm saying anyway.
I say enjoy and embrace the natural disaster coming to a town near you soon. BBQ at the volcano, re-aim the dish and fire up the generator in the aftermath of an earthquake, keep your beer cold in the river when it floods and enjoy these Acts of God - as they are inevitable.
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