Every day we hear them. Inundated until I feel like drowning in a bucket of my own vomit. Nonetheless I'm going to go ahead and postulate they aren't going anywhere anytime soon. I am of course referring to cliches. In Southern California there are no shortages of them, recycled as they may be. Here are some of my favorites:
No good deed goes unpunished - This is surprisingly true. I have found the one sure way around this is to give cash to homeless people. You will never see them again, problem solved.
Home is where the heart is - A complete crock of shit. Home is where the TV is. I get internet where ever I get cell service. I can eat where ever there is a restaurant. I can park in any open spot. I can pee pretty much anywhere. But I can only watch non sporting events on my plasma.
You did your best - This ultimately alludes to failure, in monumental fashion. Let's not forget we live in a results oriented society. Your "best" hasn't fucking mattered since little league.
If at first you don't succeed, try try again - Allow me to complete the phrase (my way). Cause if you keep on trying you're sure to fail again. Tenacity and persistence means something, to some people, sometimes. For the rest of us, one and done is what the bitch in the box says (my GPS).
Shit Happens - Dead on. Proof that not all cliches are bullshit.
I just want to help the ball club win games - A famous line from Bull Durham, and still regurgitated today. Usually this is part of a post game presser where MR. SAT pro jock doesn't want to admit to fucking the entire cheer leading squad the night before.
Smiles are contagious - Uh huh, right. Chicken Pox, Herpes, a cold, the flu and bad juju are contagious. Meaningless smiles are irritating, unsolicited and make that middle aged guy in the Hawaiian shirt appear to be a pedophile.
Keep your eye on the prize - This sounds short sighted to me. I can think of about 12 things I would rather stare at than a prize, especially if the prize includes any interaction with, or around, Drew Cary - that cat is just fucking creepy.
Everything happens for a reason - Yeah, sure it does. This again typically follows some monumental fuck up which requires more than a modicum of spin to make it appear even remotely acceptable.
This is in no way a complete list. Stay tuned....... more to come.
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