Who would of thunk it? That illustrious position within the federal government such as "agent", with the ever changing title like "special" or "lead" now can include "refuse inspector", "refuse solicitor" as well as "the one who puts the shredded pieces back together".
Yup, that's right people, the feds now have the right, neh, privilege of rummaging through your trash in order to ascertain whether you are a threat to the American way of life. I'm assuming that avocado pits and old pasta is going to be a sign of something - but what?
What wanna be terrorist worth his weight in sand would nonchalantly toss his diabolical plan to destroy the US and take over the world in a hefty sack? A bad one and the feds catch those dummies all the time.
This really leads one to question what those trash horkers are after, and I think I might have it.
Obama has fucked up the economy (which was fucked up when Bush was at the wheel too) and has told some 14,000 feds to go fetch all of the bottles and cans that are tossed each week, pull them out and take em in for their recycle cash. Sure dummy, that will solve the deificit.
Problem is, at least in our neighborhood in Burbank, there is an organized refuse hierarchy and the popo isn't on the list. Said group could potentially be militant if provoked, and the feds aren't going to score any points shooting some homeless cat while trying to liberate cans and bottles from my trash can.
I'm hoping America will initiate a death penalty for terrorists. These fuckers want to be martyrs, here is the match and the gasoline. By the way, televised PPV death sentences of insurgents / terrorists could potentially alleviate the cash crisis the US now has, in addition to being a pretty strong deterrent to the remainder of the world. After the first few public (sort of) executions nobody would care about the "martyr" bullshit. Nobody would remember their names unless eyes are popping out of skulls or internal organs are exploding.
Shit the Vegas line on how long a given death takes, as the over / under in minutes (or seconds if electricity is employed) could be a family affair. Restaurants would be opened - monuments built.
The downside is the rest of the world won't like us? Big fucking deal they don't like us now anyway. Sure they say they do, but really?
It may not be a perfect idea (few are) but it has merit. It's solid, self sufficient and those crazy turban wearing fuckers will think twice before blowing up a train or bridge or whatever is next. Besides, the NFL may not have a season this year - what will we do on Sundays this fall?
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