It's not always easy, it's not always fun but the game continues. Games, the set up is an arbitrary set of rules set out by at least two opponents to crush the other into submission. It doesn't matter whether it is the NFL, the NBA or even hockey. It's all about breaking your opponents will, and exposing their weakness for at least their opponent to see - and at worst the entire free fucking world to gawk at.
This is as timeless as time itself, and as long as we have been upright and with thumbs it has been going on. Sometimes with the most ruthless of consequences. In the beginning (depending on which theory you subscribe to) man was to compete with the world to live. Just to eat was a pain in the asss. Not like today where 3 bucks can get you 2500 of the most disingenuous of calories at any shitty drive through.
But, just like everything in life there is the simple, most elegant of exceptions. Love. Love has been called an addiction, wars have been fought over it, people have died, killed themselves and others to get it. Maintain it. Hold the abstract in their hand. How the fuck can you hold anything abstract?
When love IS the game, who wants to defeat their opponent - or in other words the one they love? But that is the game, right? That is what we have been indoctrinated with our entire lives. It lives within us right next door to Mr. fucking EGO - and that fucker has a mansion. The white house has got nothing on that dudes guest house. So how do you win at this game with its arbitrary rules which have been defined over centuries? Be honest.
Man woman or child, it really makes no difference other than the level of understanding. Honesty. Straight up and without fail. See, the only ego you get to play with, move around and even sacrifice is your own. Ego is that little voice inside your head that says, "let's fucking be right, fuck the world. They don't care anyway". And that dude can never seem to shut the fuck up.
Medical science has tried. Drugs and chemicals are all a means to shut the ego up. Billions dollar industries have been designated to it. Make the one little pill or elixir that will silence the urging, the voice - that will to self sacrifice. All have failed, miserably! But the machine must keep going. Dollars must be spent and made. And for what? If the cats in charge of this project worked for any normal corporation they would have been fired long ago.
My advice, for what it's worth is to check that fucker Ego at the door. We all have to eat a little shit occasionally. Get out the ketchup and go to work. As for the rest of us who have allowed this bastard to proliferate in any part of our lives be it professional, personal or familial make amends now - and don't let the last thing you say to the one(s) that you love is not just that.
Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Almost worth the fucking ticket!
That's right fuckers - I'm back, at least for the day. No homework so I can drop some worthless logic and wisdom - or regale you with my personal run-ins with the Glendale police department. I have met up with those cock suckers twice in the past 4 days. Lucky me.
So last Thursday I am running late for my 7:30am math class. This is the one class I have that attendance counts - and is taken - and counts against you if you are absent or tardy. How exactly, I don't know.
7:30am comes early and last Thursday I was running late. Like 2 minutes late - and that includes the 10 minute walk I usually make to get to class. So, in the interest of time I decided to park closer in the pay lot 1/3 mile closer than the lot I usually patronize.
I turn into the lot (making a left hand turn from an actual turn lane) and a motorcycle cop points me to a spot in the lot where he proceeded to write me a ticket. For what? I asked as dude checks my license and insurance. "Didn't you see the sign"? What fucking sign, I asked? "The sign that says you can't make a left hand turn between 6 and 9 am"? Nope!
Now I have been working on shutting the fuck up, especially when my mouth running is only going to exacerbate my situation - but this fucker had his little ticket book out already and he can't arrest me for questioning his intelligence.
Me:You are seriously going to write me up?
Cop 1: Yup.
Me: Does that sign make any fucking sense to you, or was it made by the Ambiguity Shithead Scenario Group - or ASS Group"?
Then, officer SAT's asks me, "what is that supposed to mean"?
Me: I have to explain ambiguity to you?
Cop 1: No......
Me: Then what does it mean, huh?
About this point officer Mcstupid's partner walked over. He must have heard the conversation I was having with his buddy.
Cop 2: Go ahead, tell him what it means.
Cop 1: It doesn't matter what it means. There is a sign that says no left hand or u-turns between the hours of 6 and 9 am Monday through Friday.
Me: So you don't know what it means?
Cop1: It means you are getting a ticket.
Me: Isn't this actually just a summons?
Cop 2 is laughing by now. Cop 1 is just pissed off.
Cop1: I need your signature.
Me: For what?
Cop: To show that I gave you the SUMMONS.
Me: I don't want the ticket though.
Cop2: We can take you in to the jail to get your signature.
Both of these cops were on motorcycles, with their stupid looking "hip wader" boots on.
Me: What, you going to make me ride on the back of your scooter?
The first cop was completely pissed off by now, and I knew it. He stared at me while getting on his radio and requesting backup.
Me: Fine, where do I sign?
Cop 1: It's not an admission of guilt, just a promise to show up.
Me: You know my address has changed right?
Cop 1: It's not on your license. How long has it been since you moved?
Me: A year or so.
Dude starts to smile. I knew what he was trying to do. In California it is against the law to not change your address within 30 days of moving. He breaks out another ticket for me and begins to fill it out.
Cop 1: What is your current address?
Me: (I tell him)
He proceeds to fill out the ticket for failure to change my address and hands it to me to sign.
Me: I'm not signing that.
Cop 1: Do you want to go to jail?
Me: Nope.
Cop 1: Then sign the citation.
Me: Nope.
Cop 2: Why would you agree to sign the first ticket, er, summons, and not this one?
Me: I changed my fucking address already.
Cop 1: You are still getting this citation.
Me: Really?
I walked over to my car and dug out my DMV paperwork. I found my address change receipt, and brought it out to show it to dummy. I handed it to him. Cop 2 was laughing his ass off by now and I felt vindicated.
Me: You still want me to sign that? (pointing at his neato ticket book)
Cop 1 walks off ripping up the ticket he wrote for me. I may have received a ticket, but making a cop feel stupid was almost worth it. If you know you are getting a ticket anyway, give a little back.
So last Thursday I am running late for my 7:30am math class. This is the one class I have that attendance counts - and is taken - and counts against you if you are absent or tardy. How exactly, I don't know.
7:30am comes early and last Thursday I was running late. Like 2 minutes late - and that includes the 10 minute walk I usually make to get to class. So, in the interest of time I decided to park closer in the pay lot 1/3 mile closer than the lot I usually patronize.
I turn into the lot (making a left hand turn from an actual turn lane) and a motorcycle cop points me to a spot in the lot where he proceeded to write me a ticket. For what? I asked as dude checks my license and insurance. "Didn't you see the sign"? What fucking sign, I asked? "The sign that says you can't make a left hand turn between 6 and 9 am"? Nope!
Now I have been working on shutting the fuck up, especially when my mouth running is only going to exacerbate my situation - but this fucker had his little ticket book out already and he can't arrest me for questioning his intelligence.
Me:You are seriously going to write me up?
Cop 1: Yup.
Me: Does that sign make any fucking sense to you, or was it made by the Ambiguity Shithead Scenario Group - or ASS Group"?
Then, officer SAT's asks me, "what is that supposed to mean"?
Me: I have to explain ambiguity to you?
Cop 1: No......
Me: Then what does it mean, huh?
About this point officer Mcstupid's partner walked over. He must have heard the conversation I was having with his buddy.
Cop 2: Go ahead, tell him what it means.
Cop 1: It doesn't matter what it means. There is a sign that says no left hand or u-turns between the hours of 6 and 9 am Monday through Friday.
Me: So you don't know what it means?
Cop1: It means you are getting a ticket.
Me: Isn't this actually just a summons?
Cop 2 is laughing by now. Cop 1 is just pissed off.
Cop1: I need your signature.
Me: For what?
Cop: To show that I gave you the SUMMONS.
Me: I don't want the ticket though.
Cop2: We can take you in to the jail to get your signature.
Both of these cops were on motorcycles, with their stupid looking "hip wader" boots on.
Me: What, you going to make me ride on the back of your scooter?
The first cop was completely pissed off by now, and I knew it. He stared at me while getting on his radio and requesting backup.
Me: Fine, where do I sign?
Cop 1: It's not an admission of guilt, just a promise to show up.
Me: You know my address has changed right?
Cop 1: It's not on your license. How long has it been since you moved?
Me: A year or so.
Dude starts to smile. I knew what he was trying to do. In California it is against the law to not change your address within 30 days of moving. He breaks out another ticket for me and begins to fill it out.
Cop 1: What is your current address?
Me: (I tell him)
He proceeds to fill out the ticket for failure to change my address and hands it to me to sign.
Me: I'm not signing that.
Cop 1: Do you want to go to jail?
Me: Nope.
Cop 1: Then sign the citation.
Me: Nope.
Cop 2: Why would you agree to sign the first ticket, er, summons, and not this one?
Me: I changed my fucking address already.
Cop 1: You are still getting this citation.
Me: Really?
I walked over to my car and dug out my DMV paperwork. I found my address change receipt, and brought it out to show it to dummy. I handed it to him. Cop 2 was laughing his ass off by now and I felt vindicated.
Me: You still want me to sign that? (pointing at his neato ticket book)
Cop 1 walks off ripping up the ticket he wrote for me. I may have received a ticket, but making a cop feel stupid was almost worth it. If you know you are getting a ticket anyway, give a little back.
Friday, October 7, 2011
The Garden
My girl sent me an article the other day, and it caught me by complete surprise. In it was a story about the Federal government sending out menacing letters to pot dispensaries in California essentially giving them 45 days to shut the fuck down. This, from a federal government who for the last two years has insisted the states are grown ups and can handle their own shit. There are 30 plus states who have also voted medical marijuana use into law - and I'm guessing they are next.
The letters were sent by the attorney general (notice no caps) to dispensaries up and down the state. The letters threaten the owners of the land if not owned by dispensary operators with forfeiture of said property, felony charges and most likely some bullshit RICO predications for good measure. Can you say INJUNCTION???????
This kiddies is not what you think - the continuation of the war on drugs. People aren't going to quit smoking weed because Obama can't seem to balance his checkbook. Nope. This is political, and if truth be told I would bet the president has a secret service dude on standby at ALL times with a smoke and a toke.
Nope kids, this is about the pharmaceutical whores who are the largest cartels on the planet. They have shitloads of cash and lobbyists to pay off all of those corrupt fuckers in DC, all so they can create Pot-Marts. These fuckers have seen the taxes generated from the sale of pot here in California and the government hates competition.
So, step one - shut down existing operations. Obama Jabong will take the high (no pun intended) road and claim gateway drug blah blah blah. Pot is destroying the youth of America.......or maybe people are just gradually becoming dumber?????
Step two - hand the weed production, distribution and sale to corporate America in the way of SKB, Watson and others.
Step three - Issue stock in Weed Marts (IPO) and since president smoker dude will own a huge portion of said corporation BEFORE the IPO dude gets rich(er) and everybody is happy.
Obama should have figured out he won't be at the White house for another 4 years - he fucked up. Sorry dude, game over. But if this is your parting gift to the stoners of California, a state you think you can carry regardless what your incumbent ass does, you are so fucking wrong.
This is essentially your retirement fund (allegedly) and your transparency is for shit. Remember history before you go fucking with the stoner republic and tearing down their grassy knoll. Nothing good comes from a grassy knoll - except weed for those who wish to use it MEDICINALLY.
One last point, and take this in the spirit in which it is intended but - PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BEING MANIPULATED WHEN THEY KNOW THEY ARE BEING MANIPULATED. Feel free to change your bong water, smoke a Newport and relax. Your time in DC is coming to an end.
The letters were sent by the attorney general (notice no caps) to dispensaries up and down the state. The letters threaten the owners of the land if not owned by dispensary operators with forfeiture of said property, felony charges and most likely some bullshit RICO predications for good measure. Can you say INJUNCTION???????
This kiddies is not what you think - the continuation of the war on drugs. People aren't going to quit smoking weed because Obama can't seem to balance his checkbook. Nope. This is political, and if truth be told I would bet the president has a secret service dude on standby at ALL times with a smoke and a toke.
Nope kids, this is about the pharmaceutical whores who are the largest cartels on the planet. They have shitloads of cash and lobbyists to pay off all of those corrupt fuckers in DC, all so they can create Pot-Marts. These fuckers have seen the taxes generated from the sale of pot here in California and the government hates competition.
So, step one - shut down existing operations. Obama Jabong will take the high (no pun intended) road and claim gateway drug blah blah blah. Pot is destroying the youth of America.......or maybe people are just gradually becoming dumber?????
Step two - hand the weed production, distribution and sale to corporate America in the way of SKB, Watson and others.
Step three - Issue stock in Weed Marts (IPO) and since president smoker dude will own a huge portion of said corporation BEFORE the IPO dude gets rich(er) and everybody is happy.
Obama should have figured out he won't be at the White house for another 4 years - he fucked up. Sorry dude, game over. But if this is your parting gift to the stoners of California, a state you think you can carry regardless what your incumbent ass does, you are so fucking wrong.
This is essentially your retirement fund (allegedly) and your transparency is for shit. Remember history before you go fucking with the stoner republic and tearing down their grassy knoll. Nothing good comes from a grassy knoll - except weed for those who wish to use it MEDICINALLY.
One last point, and take this in the spirit in which it is intended but - PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BEING MANIPULATED WHEN THEY KNOW THEY ARE BEING MANIPULATED. Feel free to change your bong water, smoke a Newport and relax. Your time in DC is coming to an end.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Are you ready for some bullshit?
Freedom of speech is one of this country's foundations. Sure, there is shit you can't say - fire in a fucking movie house: "bomb" on an airplane: "whore" in church. Who knew saying "Hitler" on Fox would get Hank Williams Jr. banned from ESPN's Monday Night Football theme?
Apparently, Williams is smarter than the fuckers that run ESPN as he chose to clarify his comment(s) that he made referencing the "golf" summit between Obama and House Speaker Boehner comparing it to Hitler playing golf with the Israeli president - it won't get shit done.
Williams went on to say the two politicians, who both smoke by the way, are polar opposites. It doesn't take a fucking advanced degree to figure that out. The "conflict" between the Israeli's and every Muslim country for control of the Holy Land has been going on for over two thousand years - and it will never get fixed. Not today, tomorrow or ever.
For Hank to make the statement is almost less opinion than fact - and to lose a gig opening America's pastime in primetime goes to show how fucked up this country can be. I know, it's the President, but he has done a shit job - the economy sucks, the national debt is out of control and dude is on the golf course trying to figure out how to get another four years?
Calling it how it is, as far as I know, is still allowed - even if it hurts the big dudes feelings. Some shit just might need to be said regardless of how politically incorrect it is to the corporate world.
I personally don't care for Hank's music, but I like the man. Had he called the president a fucking idiot it's entirely possible I could throw in the word "love" - but he held his tongue.
Dude is considering running for office in Tennessee and it would almost be worth it to move there just so I can vote for him. It doesn't matter which side of the political isle you are on, this is some BULLSHIT! I'm glad House is starting tonight so I don't have to watch their shitty network anymore than I have to, besides the game tonight sucks. Have a nice day, and beware of what you say. You just might lose your job!
Apparently, Williams is smarter than the fuckers that run ESPN as he chose to clarify his comment(s) that he made referencing the "golf" summit between Obama and House Speaker Boehner comparing it to Hitler playing golf with the Israeli president - it won't get shit done.
Williams went on to say the two politicians, who both smoke by the way, are polar opposites. It doesn't take a fucking advanced degree to figure that out. The "conflict" between the Israeli's and every Muslim country for control of the Holy Land has been going on for over two thousand years - and it will never get fixed. Not today, tomorrow or ever.
For Hank to make the statement is almost less opinion than fact - and to lose a gig opening America's pastime in primetime goes to show how fucked up this country can be. I know, it's the President, but he has done a shit job - the economy sucks, the national debt is out of control and dude is on the golf course trying to figure out how to get another four years?
Calling it how it is, as far as I know, is still allowed - even if it hurts the big dudes feelings. Some shit just might need to be said regardless of how politically incorrect it is to the corporate world.
I personally don't care for Hank's music, but I like the man. Had he called the president a fucking idiot it's entirely possible I could throw in the word "love" - but he held his tongue.
Dude is considering running for office in Tennessee and it would almost be worth it to move there just so I can vote for him. It doesn't matter which side of the political isle you are on, this is some BULLSHIT! I'm glad House is starting tonight so I don't have to watch their shitty network anymore than I have to, besides the game tonight sucks. Have a nice day, and beware of what you say. You just might lose your job!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
"Because we have always done it this way" = Death by lethal injection
That is what the LAPD and Orange County PD said when asked if they were inclined to modify their "official" police line-up protocol. A new study has just been released showing when cops who a) know which photo is the potentially guilty party and b) the photographs are all shown at the same time the false identification rate goes up exponentially.
The ideal scenario is to use a computer, and to show witnesses possible perpetrators one at a time so they can compare the photos to what is inside of their head, or memory instead of the other pictures of benign suspects. This method, also known as the "double blind" method - is used routinely in the scientific and pharmaceutical worlds. Why? Because it fucking works.
This study on improper criminal identifications has been conducted over 35 years, and has taken a back seat to genetic evidence, until recently. Troy Davis was executed yesterday and how ironic is it that this high profile case was on and off again several times, had governmental officials involved along with some high profile civilians? if I remember correctly 2 million people signed a petition to have the execution stayed until sufficient police work was done - which is essentially a life sentence.
In the Davis case, there was no physical or DNA evidence linking him to the death of an off duty cop who was shot in the late 80s.
I'm not contending that this guy was not guilty - I don't know that much about his case. I do know if it was up to me there is no fucking way I could have pushed that syringe. Dudes like Timothy Mcveigh I have no issue with eliminating from the gene puddle. Difference is TM admitted his crime, which as horrific as it was came off as original and effective as any attack on American soil, until Bin Laden had his epiphany. Look where he ended up - and he fucking deserved it on general principal alone.
The death penalty is a controversial issue, and there is no rational reason to continue a piss poor process that potentially leads to the afterlife without having state of the art technology to use (not manipulate) at the disposal of the authorities. That said, I like cops about as much as I like getting poison oak on my cock. However, they are a necessary evil that allegedly maintains order and hands out speeding tickets.
To kill a man due to conjecture, hearsay and general bullshit is a fucking travesty of injustice. I will say the dude took it like a man and didn't cry and make a bunch of fucking noise. He quietly maintained his innocence and let the system fuck him. Nice job system!
This brings me to the LAPD and the cocksuckers down south in the OC - you can't have it both ways dummies. You cannot convict someone using technology such as genetic testing and at the same time deny a new protocol that will help you eliminate your fuckups. Perhaps your department doesn't want to fix the fuckups, but you work for us, the taxpayers - we are the board of directors and if there is a new method of keeping your idiocy out of the legal equation I'm all for it. Now, all we need to do is gather a quorum and take a vote.
I'm not sure what the problem is or where the resistance is coming from as it pertains to this issue, but when I see your cruisers running around with duct tape holding the bumper on I'm guessing that doesn't breed confidence in your capabilities or your intellect - or your integrity.
Consider changing your slogan from "to protect and serve" to "we may just ass fuck you". It would definitely be more accurate and believable.
Look, nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes. But those mistakes are as serious as the consequences they cause. Feel free to quit fucking up, profiling and writing people up at the end of every month. We all know you have quotas to fill, but, if you did your fucking jobs every day instead of cramming 30 days worth of tickets into speed traps 4 days at the end of every month we would all be better off.
By the way, those little mountie helmets your MC cops wear look stupid as hell. Just thought you should know. Have a nice day!
The ideal scenario is to use a computer, and to show witnesses possible perpetrators one at a time so they can compare the photos to what is inside of their head, or memory instead of the other pictures of benign suspects. This method, also known as the "double blind" method - is used routinely in the scientific and pharmaceutical worlds. Why? Because it fucking works.
This study on improper criminal identifications has been conducted over 35 years, and has taken a back seat to genetic evidence, until recently. Troy Davis was executed yesterday and how ironic is it that this high profile case was on and off again several times, had governmental officials involved along with some high profile civilians? if I remember correctly 2 million people signed a petition to have the execution stayed until sufficient police work was done - which is essentially a life sentence.
In the Davis case, there was no physical or DNA evidence linking him to the death of an off duty cop who was shot in the late 80s.
I'm not contending that this guy was not guilty - I don't know that much about his case. I do know if it was up to me there is no fucking way I could have pushed that syringe. Dudes like Timothy Mcveigh I have no issue with eliminating from the gene puddle. Difference is TM admitted his crime, which as horrific as it was came off as original and effective as any attack on American soil, until Bin Laden had his epiphany. Look where he ended up - and he fucking deserved it on general principal alone.
The death penalty is a controversial issue, and there is no rational reason to continue a piss poor process that potentially leads to the afterlife without having state of the art technology to use (not manipulate) at the disposal of the authorities. That said, I like cops about as much as I like getting poison oak on my cock. However, they are a necessary evil that allegedly maintains order and hands out speeding tickets.
To kill a man due to conjecture, hearsay and general bullshit is a fucking travesty of injustice. I will say the dude took it like a man and didn't cry and make a bunch of fucking noise. He quietly maintained his innocence and let the system fuck him. Nice job system!
This brings me to the LAPD and the cocksuckers down south in the OC - you can't have it both ways dummies. You cannot convict someone using technology such as genetic testing and at the same time deny a new protocol that will help you eliminate your fuckups. Perhaps your department doesn't want to fix the fuckups, but you work for us, the taxpayers - we are the board of directors and if there is a new method of keeping your idiocy out of the legal equation I'm all for it. Now, all we need to do is gather a quorum and take a vote.
I'm not sure what the problem is or where the resistance is coming from as it pertains to this issue, but when I see your cruisers running around with duct tape holding the bumper on I'm guessing that doesn't breed confidence in your capabilities or your intellect - or your integrity.
Consider changing your slogan from "to protect and serve" to "we may just ass fuck you". It would definitely be more accurate and believable.
Look, nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes. But those mistakes are as serious as the consequences they cause. Feel free to quit fucking up, profiling and writing people up at the end of every month. We all know you have quotas to fill, but, if you did your fucking jobs every day instead of cramming 30 days worth of tickets into speed traps 4 days at the end of every month we would all be better off.
By the way, those little mountie helmets your MC cops wear look stupid as hell. Just thought you should know. Have a nice day!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Mensa Hikers Club
The two remaining "incarcerated" hikers from the US have been released from an Iranian prison - alleged to have been spying on Iran for the United States. These cats have been locked up for two years for again "accidentally" stepping over the Iranian border while recreationally hiking. What, their car couldn't make it to Colorado?
There was a third person captured with them, a woman, who was released some time ago. This whole fucking incident is bullshit - three letters will define this scenario: GPS.
First off, if these dudes weren't CIA or some other government acronym, and they just pulled a monumental fucking stupid, then they don't belong on a guided bus tour of Yellowstone.
They were tried and sentenced to 8 years in prison. The Iranian president who has a name I don't care to spell (ajad) is here in the US right now. Coincidence? I don't fucking think so. Ajad knew there was a grassy knoll with his name on it if he kept fucking with Hillary and the State Department. Obama cannot be bothered with this sort of shit.
I can hear the ultra conservatives from here - the US doesn't assassinate world leaders, you know people of influence? Riiiiiiight. That Bin Laden thing was a fucking plot to bolster the economy, or whatever. Ajad knew his days were numbered if he left his sandbox with these stupid assholes locked up, so dude put a price on their heads - $500K each. Let's see, 00000 carry the one - a million dollars "bail" after a sentence has been rendered? That's not bail, it's called a R-A-N-S-O-M because as sure as I'm fucking sitting here these cats will never show back up to court in Iran. Nope, these two are destined to be banished to Assfuck, Ohio - population 3 after they arrive. They are an embarrassment to all of us.
However, these are not smart men so anything is possible but I'm going to go ahead and say they won't be leaving the country anytime soon. If their job was to "spy" on the Iranians and gather intelligence, they suck at it. If they are just stupid hikers, that is like being a pedophile in general population - they aren't long for this world. It's not like they cut off an arm with a pocketknife.....
The "bail" was posted by an anonymous source. Really? Another one of them 3 letter government organizations had to write a check. Get ready for stamps to get more expensive.
The worst part of this scenario is there will inevitably be the talk shows, Larry King and (I cringe to say this) the view. Whoopi Goldberg may very well be the ugliest black thing on television, and the blonde wimpy chick cries all the time. I've seen her husband on ESPN - she gets a pass on that.
Then the made for TV movie, and ultimately the book complete with a tour. Yeah, I want to read about how stupid these fuckers were and have them sign it for me - I want to get captured by a Sleestak too.
If shit goes really well the Oprah channel will send some other stupid fucks, albeit with cameras, over to some other shit hole third world cat box and a new reality show is born. If all goes well perhaps they will issue a coin - how fucked up is that?
Suppose these two were in the mob? They would be asked to do the honorable thing and commit suicide - in a bathtub - by slitting their wrists - lengthwise. Do we need to bring your older brothers to the congressional hearings?
If the US wants to spy on Iran, keep postage prices where they are and use satellites, drones and those with triple digit IQ's like every other world superpower does. Why punish the entire country for the indiscretions of two directionally challenged morons? Oh yeah, Whoopi Goldberg, feel free to fuck right off.
There was a third person captured with them, a woman, who was released some time ago. This whole fucking incident is bullshit - three letters will define this scenario: GPS.
First off, if these dudes weren't CIA or some other government acronym, and they just pulled a monumental fucking stupid, then they don't belong on a guided bus tour of Yellowstone.
They were tried and sentenced to 8 years in prison. The Iranian president who has a name I don't care to spell (ajad) is here in the US right now. Coincidence? I don't fucking think so. Ajad knew there was a grassy knoll with his name on it if he kept fucking with Hillary and the State Department. Obama cannot be bothered with this sort of shit.
I can hear the ultra conservatives from here - the US doesn't assassinate world leaders, you know people of influence? Riiiiiiight. That Bin Laden thing was a fucking plot to bolster the economy, or whatever. Ajad knew his days were numbered if he left his sandbox with these stupid assholes locked up, so dude put a price on their heads - $500K each. Let's see, 00000 carry the one - a million dollars "bail" after a sentence has been rendered? That's not bail, it's called a R-A-N-S-O-M because as sure as I'm fucking sitting here these cats will never show back up to court in Iran. Nope, these two are destined to be banished to Assfuck, Ohio - population 3 after they arrive. They are an embarrassment to all of us.
However, these are not smart men so anything is possible but I'm going to go ahead and say they won't be leaving the country anytime soon. If their job was to "spy" on the Iranians and gather intelligence, they suck at it. If they are just stupid hikers, that is like being a pedophile in general population - they aren't long for this world. It's not like they cut off an arm with a pocketknife.....
The "bail" was posted by an anonymous source. Really? Another one of them 3 letter government organizations had to write a check. Get ready for stamps to get more expensive.
The worst part of this scenario is there will inevitably be the talk shows, Larry King and (I cringe to say this) the view. Whoopi Goldberg may very well be the ugliest black thing on television, and the blonde wimpy chick cries all the time. I've seen her husband on ESPN - she gets a pass on that.
Then the made for TV movie, and ultimately the book complete with a tour. Yeah, I want to read about how stupid these fuckers were and have them sign it for me - I want to get captured by a Sleestak too.
If shit goes really well the Oprah channel will send some other stupid fucks, albeit with cameras, over to some other shit hole third world cat box and a new reality show is born. If all goes well perhaps they will issue a coin - how fucked up is that?
Suppose these two were in the mob? They would be asked to do the honorable thing and commit suicide - in a bathtub - by slitting their wrists - lengthwise. Do we need to bring your older brothers to the congressional hearings?
If the US wants to spy on Iran, keep postage prices where they are and use satellites, drones and those with triple digit IQ's like every other world superpower does. Why punish the entire country for the indiscretions of two directionally challenged morons? Oh yeah, Whoopi Goldberg, feel free to fuck right off.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Nanna Scanners
Here in southern California, we have the unique privilege of grocery shopping at some of the most expensive food markets in the country. I'm not talking about specialty stores catering to the rich and infamous, or cultural markets where you can purchase an entire pig on any day of the year. Nope, the businesses I refer to are probably the same as the stores you all shop in - with one exception. Ok, maybe two.
Here in lovely socal, we get to pay 10% sales tax, which might be different for food but I'm too lazy to check. I know it is fucking spendy to shop here, especially at the big name stores like Albertsons, Vons (Safeway), Stater Bros., and a shit hole called Ralph's. All of them are equally fucked up, and expensive. I'm talking 5 bucks a gallon for non organic milk expensive.
Part of the joy of living in the nations second largest metropolis, aside from the traffic and smog, I mean marine layer is going to the store - and waiting in the endless lines while I watch the manager watch me and the other 312 people trying to get the fuck out of there.
Then, out of nowhere there always appears some little short dude from a hidden door somewhere in the front end of the store who climbs up on a chair to whisper something into the manager's ear. It's like the midget Jedi Mind trick because the manager shakes his head without blinking and magically another lane opens up. Some geriatric lady who blew Bob Hope back in the day shows up limping while trying to keep her teeth in place - smiling that granny grin while she spreads that old lady "red" lipstick all over her partials.
Inevitably, the first words out of her gullet are "can I help you" - and 24 carts race to get to her line first. Not me though, I know better. There is a reason this old lady bakes cookies and gives samples away. Watching her scan groceries is in itself a lesson in futility - and she convinces me that backwards time travel is possible because if she moved any slower shit would fucking stop.
Nice job midget boy, manager tool and senior citizen. You intentions were great but your execution sucks - and when I'm shopping effort means dick. So I am left with the choice of waiting the interminable, purgatorial wait for any one of the two speedy checkers or going through self checkout. Yup, you heard me, self check out. It does have a few advantages:
I never fuck up, ever. When checking my own groceries I don't lose, misplace or end up with assholes contact lens solution. Nope, I get it all right - and fast. The only issue is produce, and with over half of our groceries being produce it becomes a fucking nightmare to scan any and all fresh fruits and veggies.
Corporate food companies must have commissioned some asshole company and a fuckwad software developer who got a copy of "Statistics for Dummies" thus becoming the self proclaimed resident expert of all that is food and shit ticket check out lines - and decided in his video game wisdom how to waste as much as my time as humanly fucking possible.
So when the grocery store workers union threatened to go on strike recently, I was elated. Their position (to be fair) was that they are skilled labor, who make 18 bucks an hour and have better healthcare plans than the fucking government. I heard on the radio that their insurance covers full hospitalization, $25 copay for Dr. visits and $5 prescriptions. The full timers, once fully vested receive 85% of their salary for life upon retirement - and they bitch. Hmmm.
Skilled labor huh? The dumbass with the video game education fucked it up for them, because if skilled labor is knowing how to "scan" a barcode across a scanner then I should be a fucking brain surgeon. Skilled labor? Really?
How many times have you been through the line at the store, brought your food home only to have the single bagged milk or juice sack break leaving you with a fucking mess to clean up and another trip to no mans land because the dude making 18 bucks an hour was too fucking lazy to wrap that fucker up a second time?
So go ahead there grocery boy and threaten me with a good time some more. We for the most part shop at the "non-union" food joints like Smart and Final or Fresh and Easy - and on occasion Trader Joe's. Self checkout at these places is seamless because they got the smart kid who suggested prepackaging all fresh produce and putting bar codes on them. It might cost a little more but it relieves me of having to suffer through the extreme couponers, old slow folks who haven't had real teeth since black and white TV was the shit, and the cockeyed bagger who puts my apples and oven cleaner in the same fucking bag.
Skilled labor? Really?
Here in lovely socal, we get to pay 10% sales tax, which might be different for food but I'm too lazy to check. I know it is fucking spendy to shop here, especially at the big name stores like Albertsons, Vons (Safeway), Stater Bros., and a shit hole called Ralph's. All of them are equally fucked up, and expensive. I'm talking 5 bucks a gallon for non organic milk expensive.
Part of the joy of living in the nations second largest metropolis, aside from the traffic and smog, I mean marine layer is going to the store - and waiting in the endless lines while I watch the manager watch me and the other 312 people trying to get the fuck out of there.
Then, out of nowhere there always appears some little short dude from a hidden door somewhere in the front end of the store who climbs up on a chair to whisper something into the manager's ear. It's like the midget Jedi Mind trick because the manager shakes his head without blinking and magically another lane opens up. Some geriatric lady who blew Bob Hope back in the day shows up limping while trying to keep her teeth in place - smiling that granny grin while she spreads that old lady "red" lipstick all over her partials.
Inevitably, the first words out of her gullet are "can I help you" - and 24 carts race to get to her line first. Not me though, I know better. There is a reason this old lady bakes cookies and gives samples away. Watching her scan groceries is in itself a lesson in futility - and she convinces me that backwards time travel is possible because if she moved any slower shit would fucking stop.
Nice job midget boy, manager tool and senior citizen. You intentions were great but your execution sucks - and when I'm shopping effort means dick. So I am left with the choice of waiting the interminable, purgatorial wait for any one of the two speedy checkers or going through self checkout. Yup, you heard me, self check out. It does have a few advantages:
I never fuck up, ever. When checking my own groceries I don't lose, misplace or end up with assholes contact lens solution. Nope, I get it all right - and fast. The only issue is produce, and with over half of our groceries being produce it becomes a fucking nightmare to scan any and all fresh fruits and veggies.
Corporate food companies must have commissioned some asshole company and a fuckwad software developer who got a copy of "Statistics for Dummies" thus becoming the self proclaimed resident expert of all that is food and shit ticket check out lines - and decided in his video game wisdom how to waste as much as my time as humanly fucking possible.
So when the grocery store workers union threatened to go on strike recently, I was elated. Their position (to be fair) was that they are skilled labor, who make 18 bucks an hour and have better healthcare plans than the fucking government. I heard on the radio that their insurance covers full hospitalization, $25 copay for Dr. visits and $5 prescriptions. The full timers, once fully vested receive 85% of their salary for life upon retirement - and they bitch. Hmmm.
Skilled labor huh? The dumbass with the video game education fucked it up for them, because if skilled labor is knowing how to "scan" a barcode across a scanner then I should be a fucking brain surgeon. Skilled labor? Really?
How many times have you been through the line at the store, brought your food home only to have the single bagged milk or juice sack break leaving you with a fucking mess to clean up and another trip to no mans land because the dude making 18 bucks an hour was too fucking lazy to wrap that fucker up a second time?
So go ahead there grocery boy and threaten me with a good time some more. We for the most part shop at the "non-union" food joints like Smart and Final or Fresh and Easy - and on occasion Trader Joe's. Self checkout at these places is seamless because they got the smart kid who suggested prepackaging all fresh produce and putting bar codes on them. It might cost a little more but it relieves me of having to suffer through the extreme couponers, old slow folks who haven't had real teeth since black and white TV was the shit, and the cockeyed bagger who puts my apples and oven cleaner in the same fucking bag.
Skilled labor? Really?
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