SLUT Walk

Our Canadian buddies, in their infinitely passive wisdom, decided to allow a police officer to be a keynote speaker at a college forum - the subject was how to make women feel safe(er) walking the campus at night. Bear in mind this is a cop.

So the cop goes through his diatribe, and when asked about specific steps that should be taken by a member of the audience dude replies, "don't dress like a slut".

Pretty straight forward, common sense advice.

Wait, did this cat say slut? In Canada that particular piece of verbiage cannot even be said on the radio. Nonetheless these 4 words spawned what would be known as a SLUT walk. And not just in the great white north. Here in the states the movement has legs on it.

Now let's be clear what happens in the big bad unfair world. Women love attention. I only need to go as far as breast implants to validate that point.

I know, I can hear it already - "I got my boobs done to make myself feel better". Fair enough. Let's examine that statement, if for no other reason to show the world how moronic it is.

Women know that sex sells. It sells in every society on the planet, and it works. We as men buy cars, houses, watches, clothes and every toy imaginable for the soul purpose of getting laid. Married or not. Committed relationship or not. Women are smart, very smart. They know this.

When a woman gets her boobs enhanced (bigger) there isn't a ton of guesswork that goes into the reason why, regardless of the bullshit that may be uttered. Women want to be attractive to their mates.

Oh you say big boobs aren't necessarily attractive? Allow me to retort.

Check out any gold or platinum porn title made in the past few years and 99% of those movies have chicks with huge boobs in them. I can't imagine a flat chested pair of women doing girl on girl scenes - would seem like midget kiddie porn. Boring and not compelling.

That's not to say women who don't have large boobs are not attractive, or are incapable of producing a great piece of filth. However, numbers don't lie.

So women who walk around in tight little shirts showing off their tits, please don't be offended if guys everywhere are staring at them and keep saying "what?" every time you say something remotely provocative or witty. Blame your fun bags, and that hottie in the mirror who dressed you.

With all due respect

Yup - that amalgamation of words has extreme power, and privilege. I love interviews where the person answering begins their answer with "all due respect" - because I can paraphrase the shit out of what comes next. I don't even need to hear it. I could mute the TV or computer and still guess as to what was implied, meant or intimated. Here it is in shorthand - Fuck you and your opinion.

Liberating, huh?

I wonder what the rules are for utilizing this gem of a phrase? In other words, how far can somebody take it?
For example, if I was talking to my boss and said, "but sir, with all due respect your idea is so fucked off you couldn't color that bitch with a crayon" would that be perceived as acceptable in common circles of society?

Perhaps if the crayon comment wasn't there?

The power of one dollar

In economic times like these, especially out here in Southern California, the need to stretch dollars is at an all time high. Fuel prices are almost 5 bucks a gallon and we are still 3 weeks from the official summer driving season. Everything is more expensive with no real end in sight.

Dollar bills are becoming irrelevant because they don't have much buying power. What can you get for a dollar today? A soda from a machine. A small candy bar. In other words, not much.

Fast food chains have dollar menus which after tax is well over a buck. However, a single dollar can still change a life.

I have a soft spot for homeless folks. Not these cats that camp at the freeway off ramps, parking lot exits or other places where the public is forced to stop. Nope, those guys can fuck off.

It's impossible for me to feel any sympathy for a dude with a clean shave and khaki shorts on (empathy does come to mind though) holding a sign that says "Broke" or "Desperate" or "Homeless". Bitch, if you need a sign to tell me how fucked your life is, you are a walking contradiction (see also oxymoron).

The compelling homeless are the guys who say nothing. Very rarely does anybody get my dollar bills who solicits it. I like the strong, silent hobo approach.

Some dude outside of a drug store asked me for change, on the way in. I told him, "dude, everybody today has plastic, and I'm on the way in". Far be it from me to explain the rules to a professional, but I didn't make them. But, I did get some cash back from my purchase, and slipped the guy a few bucks.

Sure, he violated my policy. But there is another side to this story. A side that few acknowledge and even less experience. The feeling one gets when helping another human being.

I can be having a shit day and, if given the opportunity will change my mental state by forking over a few bucks to an unsuspecting homeless guy. Beats the shit out of a McDouble.

Pennies hold the world together

This morning I was able to see a leaky piece of PVC which feeds the washer. One touch and it went to shit, quick. Because of the manner in which our house is / was built, the only viable option was to shut off the main.

My girl was headed out the door so it was not a complete catastrophe - BUT, and I cannot stress this enough - it was a pain in the ass. A Gluteus nuisance, if you will. This meant I had to go to one of those home improvement centers.

Here in LA that means pack a lunch, or buy one from the trailer in the parking lot.

All I needed was a PVC elbow, one small piece of polyvinyl chloride which incidentally cost 38 cents. After waiting in the self check out line for what seemed like ever, the ONE guy I will call Gilligan, assigned to assist 4 "self check out" stations couldn't make the UPC code reader read the UPC code on my 38 cent elbow any better than I could.

Then, in what had to be no less than 2 foreign languages mixed in with what sounded like Yiddish he asked for help, over the intercom. All 4 stations come to a screeching halt for 38 cents.

I'm like, "hey dude, I have a dollar in cold cash I will give you for this elbow. It only cost 38 cents". He looked at me like I was going to bolt for the door. Seriously, Gilligan actually stepped into my direct line to the door, where an unarmed security guard was mowing down his breakfast burrito seated on a makeshift bar stool.

I upped my offer to 3 bucks but Gilligan wasn't having it, so I waited.

Finally, what looked to be a 14 year old kid comes over and turns a key, pushes some buttons and voila, I see the .38 on the screen. Then the 14 year old boss goes to walk off when Gilligan asked to go on his break, to which the boss replied "when you get done with this customer".

AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH - I owned Gilligan. His time was now MINE to waste. So I did what any self respecting, pissed off adolescent would do. I put my bills away and fed the self pay machine in pennies, making sure to drop some on the floor more than once.

Of course I didn't have 38 pennies, but I had 18 of them. Gilligan was a shade of red somewhere between Santa Claus and my next door neighbors house (she just had painted last week).

10 minutes or so later I pushed by Gilligan and left, my PVC nugget in hand.

Maybe next time Gilligan will take the time to consider a bribe???

Scarecity and the human intellect

Over the last few days a lot has happened in my world - bad which led to good. I had to be away from the woman I love, and there is some cliche that explains this phenomenon as "absence makes the heart grow fonder".

Fonder of what?

I missed my girl because we were in separate area codes. I missed waking up next to her and the intellectual banter she solicits from me. She truly brings out the best in me.

But, Im no doctor and I don't play one on TV - I'm fairly sure my heart didn't physically grow. If it did I guarantee it didn't get fonder. Bigger, larger, pushing the limits of the pericardium sac perhaps - but in no fucking way was it fonder.

I know, it is a metaphoric statement meant to describe the longing one feels when a lover is missing. But fuck, we have computers, ipads, cell phones and all of this cool shit to play with. One would think someone would have come up with a new and improved way of expressing an emotional addiction by now.

However, I digress. I miss her and am so happy to be headed home, which is not only where she is, but what she is.

BTW - I hit a bunny on my way to Vegas Friday night. Normally this would go unnoticed, except Easter was this weekend. If you didn't get your Easter eggs blame me. Then come scrub your eggs and ears off our car. Happy Easter!

NFL good guy

Now the 2011-12 NFL season is in jeopardy because the owners and NFLPA, or whatever they are this week, cannot agree on how to divide the 9 billion dollar pie the NFL generates each year.

The general consensus is most, if not all of the players are spoiled, coddled and crybabies who won't listen to coaching staff because they have the guaranteed money.

I know, I don't feel bad for them either. It's we the fans that are going to suffer, along with DirectTV if a deal doesn't get done. But we the fans are not alone.

Some NFL players play for league minimum. Others live paycheck to paycheck like a lot of American's do. However there are some NFL players that are really good people, as well as rich.

Larry Fitzgerald is one of these guys, the good guys. In a time when futures are in jeopardy and money is tight Larry has told his teammates in Arizona he will help out financially as long as it takes for a deal to get done. That is a class act.

This guy could have just sat on a fat pile of cash (he is scheduled to make 12 million this season) but chose to open his wallet and help.

I am not an Arizona fan, never have been. But if more people, not just players were like Larry Fitzgerald the world would be a much better place. There would probably be an NFL season this coming year as well.

Fair is Subjective

During a speech given by the president yesterday, he was quoted as saying "I want to live in a society that's fair," Granted he was alluding to the current budget crisis, however his speech writer / teleprompter operator should be fired. Saying I want life to be fair is tantamount to saying I want world peace.

Bullshit.

It's too easy for the most powerful man in the world to say he wants to live in a world that is fair. I mean seriously, does this cat tie his own gym shoes?

When I graduated from high school, the dean of the institution gave an address. I will never forget his words - "life is not fair". Although the guy was a first class shit bag his rhetoric was profound in a Forrest Gump sort of way.

Life isn't fair. It's impossible to make it fair. Why you ask?

Because fair is a subjective term based on the perspective of the person (or people) who are claiming one side of fairness or the other.

Fair, in today's day and age amounts to creating a level playing field. What happens on the aforementioned playing field may or may not be fair. If there is any doubt, look at professional sports. Enough said.

While I want to live in a world that is a level playing field for everyone here who is legal, America has a tendency to swing the pendulum of righteousness too far the opposite direction distal to what was once deemed unfair. The Equal Opportunity Employment Act is a perfect example. The Rooney rule, albeit a tad bit less arduous and a lot more defined, is another.

I'm all for people having the same basic rights. But opportunities should be earned, not allocated or legislated -  especially by the government.

I see these cats on the tube spouting off about how their ancestors were treated unfairly, forced into slavery and whatever. But that was how many CENTURIES ago? You are now in a $3,000.00 hand made suit and being driven in a limo - you can't have it both ways. If you want to go back to whence your ancestors came, then go. Don't threaten the rest of us with a good time.

Hell, somewhere back in my lineage the Saxon's probably killed or mutilated some obscure ancestor of mine. Am I in the Netherlands demanding payment? Or special treatment? Or a job?

Entitlement goes hand in hand with the word "fair", and as far as I'm concerned, or what is fair to me is we are entitles to exactly that which we work for.

Hiring quotas on minorities is bullshit. Complaining about how your family came to this country is bullshit. You are here now, and damn sure wouldn't be rolling around in your Benz had your great great great great great great Grandpa been eaten by a lion. 

I know, insensitive, right? Wrong.

The world is based on the food chain principle, the strong will survive. I suspect it has always been that way.

There have been horrible atrocities committed in the name of progress or prosperity, but they are in the past and so long as the playing field is level, that's where they should stay.